Well, it got me to thinking...who is this omnipotent trendsetter who makes para holidays happen, and how do I get one? I don't want to be a high roller like Santa or the Easter bunny, but for Pete's sake, groundhogs have a day. And look at that, Pete has his own old people's expression.
So yes folks, while I am ever grateful to have Mother's day to share among the masses of other stretch marked, saggy boobed, snot and other bodily fluid covered deities-it just wouldn't be me if I didn't request my own day. For the smarty pants who thinks they have the short and sweet of it; I know I have a birthday. That's the day I put my mother on the Mother's Day celebration map-it is not my day. I want to be on Google headers and dollar store calendars. Yes, I want your children to cut out little brown Tameka figures and add Birkenstock sandals and clothes that don't necessarily match.