Friday, May 9, 2008

Mothers on The Red Carpet

Whether or not we have children ourselves, we have parents. And, like it or not, our parents have had a huge influence in how we define ourselves. The relationship is a complex one, but it is essential to our growth. It is a part of God's design. We have the parents we have for a reason. As we learn and grow we view these people in our lives, and our relationship with them, in different, more expanded, ways. ~Lissa Coffey

I received this in my inbox; one of my many devotionals. If you're not familiar with Lissa's work have a read, her essays have been instrumental along this path of education and enlightenment. This particular passage really stood out, I have an-at best, odd relationship with my mother.

For years, every year around this time; Mother's Day when the masses are bumbling about, siblings trying, vying to outdo one another-I'm drowning in indifference. She puts herself first, she's betrayed me, she's disappointed me...she's, she's well...she's human. Yes, she's a mere mortal with a triune brain and a host of flaws.

The thing about being a parent, a mother is like celebrity; you're expected to don the obligatory cloak of perfection, the crown of sound judgement, and shoes designed to walk the righteous path-be red carpet ready. Much like most parents, you and your offspring have a very dissimilar sense of what is fashionable and entertaining. This is where it gets ugly! Laughs.


My mother often chides about the time she scolded, okay lambasted me for something and I looked her in the eye and said, "Don't yell at me, kids are people too". Huh? Or, the time she wouldn't give in to a request and I called her "Obstinate"; I was about six. Oddly enough, knowing much more about the human condition now, I can begin to understand my mother and her antiquated train of thought. I see how she might have found me challenging.

Years passed, not much changed, and she eventually gave up. You know, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got". So, she continued (s) (I now have siblings)-to yell and scream, holler and harangue and I have in my travails developed more than enough ways to duck, desist and detach.


It is Mother's Day yet another year and as much as you'd think I'd be over it/her, I guess I'm not. I have two children of my own now, and as challenging as times get-and they do get challenging, the one thing I know for certain is that there are no do-overs, the only time is now. I've got one chance at this and, thank Bob! Could you just imagine if I had to get them back in there again?! Yikes! Well, I'm coiffed and 'coutured', my ankles are a bit wobbly, but I'm making my way. How about you, are you red carpet ready?

Facing a mirror you see merely your own countenance; facing your child you finally understand how everyone else has seen you~Daniel Raeburn

9 comments:

Gracie Bird said...

I am, by no means, red carpet ready. Just taking motherhood one day at a time, for almost 25 years now. One foot in front of the other, then the other, then the other...

BabyLyons said...

No way, I am to new at this! Everyday is something new, and I know it will continue to be.
I love how you write, looking forward to more great posts from you :)

Kilkennycat said...

I hope you have a beautiful Mother's day!

Chris Stone said...

I called up my mother today... and she was busy typing up a story of a friend of her's. This friend is 91 and her mother graduated from high school in 1904. My mother's comment was, moms aren't perfect, nobody is.

High Desert Diva said...

Love all that blue in your photo

T.Allen-Mercado said...

I didn't even notice the blue; totally unplanned...funny! :D

Kiandra said...

never do we realize how imperfect and human our mothers/fathers are...until we become mothers/fathers.

i know i'm not red-carpet ready...but i don't think i want to be...i make mistakes and just like they are a learning lesson for me...they may end up being a learning lesson for my kids, just as some of my mom's lessons are for me. i can say one thing about the lessons i've learned from my mom's mistakes...i rarely make the same mistakes, and if i do i learn from them more quickly...

my mom always tells me "i made mistakes so that you don't have to, learn from my mistakes...use my life as a lesson." and i've taken her up on that.

i have a wonderful relationship with my mom that took time to build, but also because i know and respect her as being human...and i forgive her. even when/while i'm still suffering from the mistakes she made.

okay i know...i talk/write to much....

beautiful kids!

Valerie said...

Well written article.

presious said...

That is not necessarily something we get over. My mom was a bit bipolar...hindsight. In my opinion, our upbringing is our blueprint to who we become. It is usually not until we are pretty much grown that we can even step back and take a look at it. What do to about it depends upon our coping mechanisms or how severe the damage of our upbringing is.

I personally chose to go to counseling because I was so confused. Couldn't separate myself from my mom. Took a while for me to "not" be her as a parent to my children. When I finally accomplished such, I sat them down and apologized for my "crazy" behavior (not having any input bout my mom at that point; not til years later).

It gets easier with time as I embrace who I am and who I've become with all my faults, imperfections, discomforts and idosycracies. I have forgiven myself for all of these because I am only human!

No parent is perfect. Now that my kids are older, we talk about respect and how we want to treat each other and be treated. It works well.

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