Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Tyranny of Teens

Somehow, it never occurred to me that body hair might transform seemingly awesome young people into angry minions of evil. Damn you, Dr. Sears, you left out all of the good stuff. It'd be unlike me if I didn't make a big deal of The Tyranny of the Teenage Years. I'm keeping consistent with the theme of my first lament, The Perils of Puberty. Other editions include: The Labors of Labor and, I Know Why Mama Hamster Ate The Babies.

Yes, Puberty Man has fallen in a toxic tub of Salicylic Acid and has developed an alter ego. Not quite as lascivious and self-absorbed, but twice as morose and exponentially more annoying. As I type this, Anju, who has just taken on the incumbent role of Favorite Son has just vomited on the freshly vacuumed carpet. Sighs and looks up to the heavens. I feel like Job.

No one talks about parenting teenagers. As I peruse blogs, I see chubby little cherubs covered in spaghetti, frolicking about the world with dimples in their cheeks and tiny fingers. Everything is new and bright and gay! What about the rest of us? Surely, ridiculous fashion sense, the ubiquitous scraggly catfish moustache and acne are blog-worthy Kodak moments, no?

I guess I find it difficult to accept the fact that Favorite Guy and I are suffering alone. Or maybe we're just on the receiving end of some bad karma for "asking too many questions", setting rules, and actually following through on the consequences of breaking said rules. Harrumph! The nerve! I bet we'll know better next time. You know, that is of course if we're privileged enough. Do you think? Will we get a next time to be the parents that the omniscient Lord of Melancholy Marauding ordered with his fries and shake?
Wish me peace.


High Desert Diva said...

Ah. Teenagers.


fly tie said...

*looks forward to the new blog on the adventures of parenting teenagers*

may peace be with you.

Kiandra said...

you made me laugh outloud!

i wish (or do i) that i could wallow with you in the misery that teenagers hand out...but i sit here with mini-me 1 & 2, and all the fun that comes with having "little ones" you remember don't you? wiping butts, constantly making alllll their food, repeating yourself constantly, explaining that you don't need to cry at the mere mention of the word "shot," constantly putting away tiny people's tiny the kitchen table & floor 7 times a day...wishing you could take a shower with out lil me 2 waiting and constantly talking to you and opening up the shower curtain (can mama get some privacy)...carting them back to bed 8 x's cause they thought they heard someone say boo...oh can i go on?

the joys of a 4 and 5 year old.

by the way...the thought of the catfish mustache...still has me lil guy already has his mustache growing in...

*shudders...he'll be a funky arm-pit sweaty teen one day...and won't say "ur a good mommie...i luv u...followed by a hug" i better soak it up!

Smarty Pants said...

I'm right there with you! J is 15 1/2 eactly today...and, it's true, I never did see this coming. I knew he was progressing in age, 10, 11, 12, 13...Then, BOOM! hair, and moods, and all of it smack in your face. To top things off, J is bipolar. Although, lately, I am thinking that this is a bit of an advantage for me. I did have quite a bit of prep time for the chaos.
Still, knowing that I will be going through this times 3...well, I figure I can always wear a helmet for the next 8 years or so.

Carapace said...

I love your writing! It's wee morning here, and I've been fighting not to cackle out loud.

Your photographs are pretty impressive too. So glad I found this blog!

RainbowMom said...

I wish you peace.

Mine are not teenagers yet.

Jennifer said...

Peace to you for sure! People post pictures of cute little ones because that's when they love them, LOL! You are extraordinary because you still love your teenaged tyrant :-) The catfish mustache is definitely, DEFINITELY a classic. you have described the entire teen male population so well.

I have a six year old and I am afraid....very afraid.

Mequet said...

I am so not looking forward to the teenage years. However, I bet I can one up you on teenage drama, even if I don't have a teenager at the moment. Bethany (my 10 year old) has a lesbian stalker. Yes. This discussion requires a phone call as it is more than I can sufficiently get across in this comment. Let's just say that mine and Justin's resounding reactions to this latest development were twin exclamations of "what the fuck?!".

Ms. Bar B: said...

Oh what I have to look forward to. Although, I often get the sense that there is already a teenage girl lurking inside of my five year old, lol.

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