Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Well, where do I start? There is quite a bit going on this week (pauses to make an Alka-Seltzer on the rocks). Let's see yesterday, no Monday I finally made a decision regarding my recent mental state and opted to begin a course of therapy again, so I've been working on that. And not a minute too soon I might add since yesterday I was at the peak of my mounting frustration with the in-bred bureaucrats at the Evil Blue Octagon. I've come to realize that there exists this microcosm of misery; a handful of people that make the Evil Blue Octagon bearable-yes bearable not unbearable and then there are the powers that be. Misery truly does love company at this company.

I had a 30 minute meeting in which my supervisor was speaking in tongues,otherwise known as "talk-offs" by the abducted. You can identify them easily as they are housed in the larger sarcophagus known as an office. Most of their time is spent speaking in aforementioned tongues on handsets as opposed to headsets which are reserved for use by plebeians. Anyway, during this meeting I was (at least from what I could glean as I have somehow managed to escape implantation of the simian training translation device) admonished for thinking. Yes, I did say thinking. It appears that I am performing in a way that meets the needs of the business as opposed to scheisting, disconcerting and to put it in layman's terms basically pissing off clients. That is not the Evil Blue Octagon way. What was I thinking? How could I not be expected to annoy the shit out of people, calling them incessantly and repeating the same rehearsed bank banter ad nauseaum at the trusted financial institution which prides themselves as the place "where the right relationship is everything". Pardon my stupidity in assuming that said relationship might just so happen to be a good one. Now, it is all coming to me. Not!

What has come to me is that I need to begin a course of therapy for my ongoing sometimes crippling bout, sorry snit with depression so that I maintain a level of consistency in my everyday life which allows me to perform at maximum capacity. I have spent many many years investing in the prime real estate between my ears and will not, can not be beaten into submission for fucking health insurance! It is insane to think that my inability to do shit that doesn't make sense (Note: seriously, consider saving money in your sock drawer)has literally blacklisted me from existing in peace! I am tempestuous, at times belligerent, histrionic, but all times brilliant. It is very difficult for me to do something which defies logic. I challenge anyone reading this to right now, at your desk, on a bike, bench, bus wherever you are reading this blog-bear down and shit in your pants. Seriously, do it. What's wrong? No, seriously-why can't you do it?! Okay, what if I say you have to do it?! If your eyebrows are raised and you are laughing at this nonsense, you fully understand me. If you just shit yourself, well now I command you to hold your breath until you die because you're one of them. Back to the others, some time long ago shortly after you landed you learned, gleaned, acquiesced that shitting in one's pants is not acceptable behavior for the adult population, yes? It has nothing to do with socio-economics, culture etceteras. It is just never right to shit on yourself deliberately. Have I made my point? Well,as luck would have it I am one of a handful of employees that are not walking around with a heap of dung in their pants, hence I must sit in misery until my bowels break. Once that's done they will teach me to speak in tongues and then perhaps, just maybe they will revisit my resume where my tenure as upper level management and glowing recommendations and accolades will be considered.It is just the Evil Blue Octagon way.

I have a better plan, and it begins with some hard work as all successful endeavors do, but I am going to commit myself to battling some inner demons and really diligently pursue other options. Moreover, I intend to use the bureaucracy to further my plan. I will never make a difference in their magnanimous monopoly, but I can change the way my mental energy is monopolized. It is no wonder their benefits package is so competitive and attractive when they literally make you sick.I swear if I had any money I'd withdraw it all right now! laughs

On a lighter note, good things coming in, going on and out.

I am about 85% of the way supplies-wise with Pretty In Peace. I have a few more items, tools to acquire before I head to the "lab". It is amazing how this project, the fluidity of it, is happening. I think it really all began in April with my "no foods with a face" discipline and it has meshed rather cohesively with my yoga practice and even the recent events at home.The line is vegan, no shells, pearls, leather, animal based adhesives etceteras. Only fine metals to be used in the LIVE collection, although the LOVE and LAUGH collections will feature some plated metals and re-purposed plastic items. I will be up and running in time for Holiday 2007 with the grace of the universe. I encourage any and everyone to buy peaceful, handmade,local and re-purposed. If you have any old beaded costume jewelry, buttons, charms, please contact me as I may be interested in purchasing or trading for vintage findings.

What else? Joe and I are regularly practicing restorative yoga together. This would have been unheard of even six months ago for reasons that I can only speculate are tied to ego. Well as it would turn out the class is comprised of mostly seniors with the exception of the two of us, and one other yogi who could go either way. Point being, the universe made an easy-in for us to share this time and this practice that we otherwise would not have shared. To think we're sitting in savasana in this room at our local YMCA with people twice our age, of all different races, social statuses, backgrounds with one thing in mind: the 8 Limbs of Yoga. I strongly believe that we would never have seized the opportunity to know or even notice the existence of one another had it not been for this experience as yogis. And I sheepishly concede that I am rather aesthetically driven so the thought of this particular yoga class had it been accurately represented before it presented itself just would not have happened.The experience has brought me closer to nature and its natural order. I had been on the path but not quite walking it, you know. I have seen the graceful side of growing older and moreover how beautifully we can make do with what we are given.

Yael is back! I had written just about a week ago of an unfortunate incident with our youngest child. Well, she's been restored. It took a little while and I'm quite frankly not over it. I was really hurting about the incident and briefly set back while doing laundry as I came across the clothing she had on that day and her underwear,there were dried blades of grass and twig lodged into the fibers. I could just picture her being forced in to the water. The sight just brought back all of the pain of disappointment and frustration. But, she is feeling great and she's back out enjoying her eight year old existence. It isn't always easy to turn the other cheek and we don't always receive the credit we deserve in doing so, but nothing worth doing is ever easy.When in doubt, choose peace, and Diet Coke...lots of it!

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