Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Fruit for Thought

I'm so thoroughly eager and anxious and crazed and excited to be doing this. Hoping that I won't rev, spin, crash and burn as I often do. All of my Pitta energy up in a fast and furious blaze. I've been walking, talking (to myself) throwing ideas around in my head, trying to come up with a concept, a plan, an intention...that's my left-brain talking. And, at the same time coming up with a big ol' stew pot of ideas that don't quite fit together, but just might...that's my right-brain talking. It's puzzling, like the concept of Chocolate Zucchini cake-"Uh, who puts that together"? Me.

This is where it is going folks, by way of chocolate and zucchini. I'll be leftist, I'll be lobbyist, I'll be witty, wise, wanton...hopefully I'll be doing this shit for as long as it's been an idea-how's that for starts?

Yesterday, I was deep...

Do you ever have those moments of complete awareness? An in the moment realization of your existence and subsequent co-existees? I've had this going on for two days, starting with Joe and segueing into something even I...oh, never mind.

I, from time to time will just gaze over at my husband in awe of him and moreover in awe of us. (I don't know how to spell the sound, so think; oeuvre, minus the v and followed by eesh, okay? Got it? Good.) We have been together nearly two decades and we have been through some shit! Through the years, I have been known to have the patience of Mother Theresa and the temper of a mother#$%*, so longevity in itself is an admirable feat.

Well, yesterday we are watching television (a rare occurrence) and I look over at him while he doesn't know that I'm looking and this is what I think...Joe is like a tree and I am like a fruit. He could surely exist without me although not quite as appealing (winks and blows kiss) and I, without him but only for a short spell. The beauty of it? Through the years, we've each grown interdependently of one another and in perfect distance. We've been pruned, we've endured chills. We've ripened, at times all on our own, without nurturing- falling to the earth in solitude. Yet, we've always returned from whence we came, on time and in season.
Joe is like a tree and I am like a fruit, so why is the rest of the world in which we live in this segregated, compartmentalized state of unforgiving. We're riding each others' backs and stepping on toes, trying to rise above-only to fall to the earth in solitude and return from whence came? Our planet is suspended in a perpetual state of misunderstanding and misery.

Though my fears and anxiety about human nature build as my awareness increases, there is always that shimmer of hope. Yesterday, I found it within; within the confines of my livingroom, within the concept of commitment, within me. I hope that others who are potentially grappling with the state of their existence and ability to co-exist peaceably will find the quiet, place and space for such an in the moment realization. Namaste.

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