Wednesday, July 11, 2007

How about a little mathematics, okay? Today is the 11th of July 2007, that means tomorrow is the 12th. Do you follow so far? Good. (if not, log off now) My birthday is July 12th, my current New York State ID expires on July 12th 2007. My plan on July 6,2007 was to begin reading the AZ State Driver's Manual and obtain a permit by the 12th. A plan that would require due diligence as I'd be learning an entirely new skill in 6 days. Okay, well I have yet to open the manual and I have 68 pages of material to now absorb in about 6 waking dreaded DMV operational hours. Any suggestions? (don't be smug) I am fully aware of the ability to simply acquire an ID and postpone the whole learner's permit til such time as I am fully prepared, but I was kinda liking the whole do it on your birthday deal. I am fully opposed however, to failing. Contrary to Josue's Jeremiad I do not fail-except Mrs. Nathan's 7th grade pre-algebra course which was partly a result of a language barrier...I speak English. Favorite guy says, "Take it and if you fail you can take it up to three times"...I don't know, for me any endeavor entered into under such pretense is tantamount to, "Doc try it, if he/she dies there are more patients in the ER" I just cannot bear the pressure. Perfection is paralyzing! Decisions, decisions.

I've come a long way from my beginning as a paralyzed perfectionist. Much of my recent creative projects have been a concerted effort to remove myself from the confines of anything structural. There are no rights/wrongs in art, only art. My yoga practice as well...laughs boy if i could do half the shit experienced yogis do, I'd have a lot of money (and probably twice as many kids) laughs harder. Seriously though, to one that seemingly excels at everything where parameters are well-defined, operating in an area where there are none or they are unknown is frightening. It's like flying a plane versus driving a car. Many experienced drivers would shudder at the thought of piloting a plane. My fears are similar.

Looks over at time on microwave and thinks, "Where the hell is Jordan". Case in point, parenting there are no books, no classes, no real parameters-he just walked in-unless the state takes them away or you kill 'em, well then...yeah, you probably are not really good at it. He's lucky, too...4 minutes after the hour. I, early on before falling hopelessly in love-had no intentions on engaging in the uncertainty of parenthood. I could control myself and that seemed enough for me. Well, by 1988 my first encounter with the unknown; romantic love. No guidelines there either. You kinda just wing it and assume if he/she keeps calling you're okay. In 1991 we get married-oh good cause at least they give you some rules for that...or do they? "For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health from this day forward til death do you part". Okay, no what? How does one get rich...poor seems simple enough. Does sickness apply to sick of each other too? How do we get through this and not kill each other. Aaargh, the unknowns! For the love of Guerlain, give me guidelines!

I've come to call this state of existence "Magoo", yup just "Magoo". If you've ever seen the cartoon, this guy manages to escape death and dismemberment by way of sheer ignorance. It's not the ideal scenario, but it appears to work. Clearly, it is not the technique I use for parenting, although I have a few times. Hell, so have your parents! Don't think the popular phrase, "Because I told you so," has any profound meaning other than..well, "Magoo". It is a method for deflecting the possibility that you may have evolved into a formidable opponent skilled at the art of debate since the last time they said no. Highly unlikely, but one never knows. Perhaps, I can Magoo my way through the exam? Maybe the DMV Deity will shine down on me with some infinite wisdom? The Birthday Buddha? Luck? Will I cave and stay up all night cramming and have Stewie eyes in my NEW! photo ID? Ugh...this sucks!

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