Friday, November 21, 2008

Anus Sniffing in The Kitchen

My love of language has been none short of rewarding throughout the years. It is with that acknowledgment that I skate through each day, knowing, waiting, for it to backfire. Waiting for my frequent use of hyperbole, and double entendre to turn on me in some undeniably irrevocable way. Words are our friends (they've also cost me some), censorship is not. In our house, if you can read it, you may read it. As Denene over at MBB conceded, I must concur, "There is a special place in Mom Hell for me".

In a not so unusual moment, in our ever busy kitchen, Yael strolls over and asks, "Mom, what's an ann-uss"? Her head, nodding syncopatically as she emphasises the syllabicism. I look up, "a what? How is it being used?" Off to her room, she retrieves a new book that she and Favorite Guy picked out on their standing Monday date. She reads, "Then I sniff her ann-uss. It smells rich and full of Celeste". In an instant, every lewd, horrific joke about happy clams, meat pops and other X-rated folly I engage whilst my children are within earshot floods my conscience. I look to Favorite Guy who has turned his back on the impending train wreck. He stands motionlessly. He has a faith in his powers of invisibility that can be rivaled only by the Emperor's belief that he is clothed.

Hand outstretched, I request the book. Front cover, Newberry Honor holding author, check. Back cover: Ages 8-12, check. Harper Collins publishing, check. Everything seems in order, so I go back a page or two. Celeste and Reggie are the best friends' of best friends. Celeste is a dalmatian...Reggie is a sheepdog*. All is well again. As the busy kitchen sounds resume, Favorite Guy slowly begins to show signs of life. With a gleam in my eye a chuckle escapes, I turn to Yael and nodding syncopatically I retort, "an a-nus is a butt hole". Have a fun and fabulous weekend!
Peace
* The excerpted phrases are from: The Wish by Gail Carson Levine

14 comments:

Mequet said...

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! You win the award for grossest title of a blog entry EVER!!! Geez, that reminds me of the time Sebastian fell over while wearing Bethany's heels and said that he had cramped his anus, which he apparently thought meant shin. I quickly filled him in on the proper meaning and he promptly called Bethany an anus. Hahaha!!! Yael sounds like a hoot!

Kala Pohl Studio said...

OMG, for a moment there I almost had a heart attack:):) What WAS she reading I thought?? Thank you for that good laugh:) Have a wonderful weekend too.

Cecile/DreamCreateRepeat said...

OH, funny! Reminds me of the prime volunteering moment I had in a 2nd grade enrichment class ( doing a word association game listing on the board all the words we could think of associated with "dog" and some smart aleck kid with older siblings no doubt came up with b*tch and some of the kids sniggered and what was I going to do but teach?!) and the teacher walked in just as I was explaining...."and that's why B-tch is a bad word."

Luckily, the teacher told me later, "I know you, and I know you had a good reason for saying that...."

fly tie said...

favorite guy's reaction and "faith in his powers of invisibility" is hilarious.

but wait. is it just me or is the sentence still odd sounding in general? even in light of the fact that we're talkin' dogs?? i've read it repeatedly trying to see if i missed something! maybe i'd have to read it in further context.

Victoria said...

This is the funniest post I have ever read, made me laugh till the tears came!

A Cuban In London said...

And you, too, my dear! You, too! I loved your post, I loved your attitude and that's why I always make it my mission to pop by at least once or twice per week. Because I am rewarded with stories like this one:-D.

Greetings from London.

shiborigirl said...

OK, you are the coolest Mom ever! I laughed so hard I had to go change a perfectly good pair of pants!

Thanks for the monumental giggle.

I grew up in a house that valued our language and the power it has, so I always appreciate reading your posts. You use words exceptionally well!

Kate

Ms. Bar B: said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Alright. Forget visiting my aunt, we are coming to your house so that Yael can read that story to Miss J.

Kudos to the author of that book, haha.

High Desert Diva said...

*Laughing hysterically*

Daisy said...

I am laughing out loud! Well, it is important to always learn new things.

Helen (Secret Lentil) said...

tee hee.

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

That is funny. I was truly wondering what in the world? You do homeschool right? LOL So glad to hear it was about doggies.

Mrs.Kwitty said...

Hahahaha! My cat is looking at me like I've lost my mind, laughing like that out of the blue....so I called her a butt hole.
*chuckling* Karen

casserole said...

OMG This is too funny!! Aside from the kitchen discussion about anuses (what is the plural of anus, anyway? a-nigh??) I'm wondering what kind of weirdos have now stumbled on to your blog due to your most *ahem* creative title. (I say this because one of my posts with the highest hit rates is titled "Girls Weekend in Fort Smith." I'm sure the creepos were very disappointed to see a tourist group photo of me & my friends standing in the award winning public bathroom at the Fort Smith regional airport....)

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