Thursday, September 13, 2007

I am so proud of myself today. I was a little down last night, I could feel myself slipping but I caught myself and not only did I not slip-I soared. I'm feeling kinda wonderful right now, and I'm gonna ride this wave.

I'm in the isolation zone presently, it is the precursor to total invisibility. I'm just not feeling my "committee" lately. I can't tactfully express what it is about them that I find off-putting, but the intensity of whatever it is is rapidly increasing. I've neither answered nor returned recent phone calls, I'm selectively replying to e-mails...I guess I'm tired? Bored? Drained, perhaps? Hell, all are valid. Maybe I am experiencing growing pains. Not in the way most would describe them though. I am not necessarily outgrowing my friends as much as I am and have outgrown their perception of who I am. Which may very well just be that I have outgrown my perception of their perception of me. Nods head in satisfaction. That's it-because it really is an injustice to assume that I know-with any level of certainty, their perceptions or expectations of our friendship.

In many ways I feel like they're all still goal-setters, part of some 5, 10, 15 year plan. I can't truthfully support, reject or participate in any plans and apparently they are not too keen on joining me on aimless my journey to Neverwhere. It feels awkward though, like leaving home or changing careers or...just the all too familiar feeling of pushing the envelope, deviating from the path. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but it never gets old, this feeling-like new shoes it can be bittersweet.

Well, I have many things to be grateful for while I molt. I have been feeling confident about my artistic ventures and even garnering some revenue as a result. I stayed the course this evening and stealthily launched Pretty In Peace with just a few accessories. I'm comfortable with the soft launch idea with so much else going on I really didn't want to blaze up and burn out as I all too often do.

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