Shhh...

Really quickly because I'm racing and rambling and bursting with love (yes I'm singing, cue: The Odd Couple) I have an idea, yes an IDEA and I shall begin writing ,yes WRITING tonight. Yes! Yes! Yes!

Peace, (and pep and bursting with love)

I'm being sensitive...

I'm out here dear blog friends. I'm out here being sensitive about my PC crashing, my words dancing off with the Fried Piper of Hard Drive; wallowing in the self pity surrounding the recent rift in my writing world. But, I'm out here and I'm hanging in there, taking it all in and jotting it all down so I can begin again. I hope you all are doing well, and I'll be stopping in again soon.

Peace

40 Day Challenge (revised)

Okay, so perhaps I did glean something from those seemingly restless moments of "meditation". Yesterday, I realized something; my zine- the one I've been working on for a long time, all 16 pages (.5 zine) is currently trapped in the depths of a dead computer. I typed up the handwritten pages and saved them in Publisher to print and publish on my birthday, July 12th. I may never retrieve them. It gets better, I recycled the handwritten pages during the move to eliminate clutter.

My initial reaction was my usual initial reaction; the bowling ball assumed its familiar place in the center of my throat pressing on whatever it presses to make my temples throb with a feeling of imminent implosion. Then I sighed, closed my eyes, took a deep breath and thought, I lost a bunch of words-a bunch of arduously and meticulously strung words, but words just the same. I felt an immediate tingling throughout, the way one feels when something previously constricting has been released. Like removing your favorite way too small jeans or a gorgeous pair of not so bunion-friendly shoes. Relief.

I was relieved of the need to threaten the inanimate source of my frustrations with bodily harm via expertly, meticulously strung series of expletives. I didn't stomp, flail my arms or roll my eyes so emphatically that I could mentally hear the stretch and pull of the occipital rectus family. I didn't turn green or burst the seams of my already tattered pajamas. I just accepted that perhaps the Universe has something greater in store. Perhaps, it was time I released myself from my electronically tethered existence (as I type this blog post). Perhaps the Favorite Guy will rescue my musings from the trenches and be promoted to Exalted Warrior of the Zineosphere. Who knows what all of this is really about but, I'm making my way through it all with a calm heart.

First thing on the NEW! challenge list was to write the list. Let's just say I'm off to a less than auspicious start.

Peace

The 40 Day Challenge Update and more...

Sunday was day forty of my Calm Heart Challenge-do you want the Simon Cowell or Paula Abdul version of the outcome? Simon first? Okay. Feigns British accent which sounds a lot like a New Yorker feigning a British accent. "It was dreadful, like a drunk uncle at a wedding, dancing ballet to techno, sorry". The only time I felt calm were the times I did it in bed in a semi conscious haze. With all things related to my yogic path, I listen to my body. Through the cacophonous haze that is my mind, my body said, "nope, uh uh, we can't do this" about half the time and, I listened. Now for the Paula version. Sobbing gibberish. Um, yeah Paula is proud of me. I'm proud of me too, I tried.

The NEW! Challenge begins today. Whilst yammering with a gal pal, I unleashed a bit of hidden genius. It seems her manfriend is unemployed, not actively seeking employment and planning a vacation. Planning a vacation? "Well, isn't he already on vacation", I ask befuddled. She laughs and agrees that this is indeed an interesting philosophy. Well, I gave it some thought after our conversation ended, and I've been living quite loftily myself. Not lofty enough to stay calm and focused for 7 damn minutes- I tried...I tried, but lofty nonetheless. So, I am going to write a list of shit, er I mean important things that I would like...(no room for passivity) that I will complete over the next 30 days hence earning my week long vacation in June.

Did I mention the death of my PC? Oh yeah, that too...I'll have to sketch blog pics until everything has been shuffled around. This is going to be fun, can you just sense the smile in my words?

Peace

Shutter Click & Chat 5/17

One hundred dollars...

Real Simple regularly asks its readers what they would do with an extra $100, and what a challenge it was for me to answer this seemingly simple question. I am a binge buyer, hence the receipts. Yes, I save them for when I come to my senses and need to return said impulse purchases.

I set out-in my head to buy the following items:

Aveda hair conditioner: $16

Board shorts: est. $20

Jason Mraz CD: $20

Art supplies: $40

I bought:

The absolute cutest: cotton blouse SALE $7, linen shorts SALE $15, denim shorts, SALE $15, Figure flattering jeans SALE $20

Comforter set SALE $44

Not shown: sunglasses $5...keep with me, they are, "the absolute cutest sunglasses", detoxifying face cleanser $6, exfoliating extra moisturizing body soap $6...sighs. You do the math! What would you do with an extra $100?!

Note: Shutter Click & Chat will be on vacation for a few weeks while I wrap up a few pressing projects.

Peace

Paste, Drugs and Rock & Roll

Today was Papier Mache Tuesday. There are many many themes in our house, I find cooperation is at an all time high when there's a theme involved. I wonder where she gets that. Anyway, so we mix the paste, tune into my Pandora station and begin. Art is probably my favorite subject to teach since the lack of structure allows for the wonders of free thinking and fresh ideas.

While layering away at our papier mache, Yael- growing tired of my Pandora station, commences to tell me about some of her musical taste; starting with Ali & AJ and ending with Lindsay Lohan. I lapsed into a "like-induced coma" somewhere in between awakening as she said, "Lindsay Lohan used to like be kinda cool until she started using drugs". My eyes bulge and the warmth of a proud parent moment fills my belly. Stay with me for a minute in this moment because concurring on what qualifies as cool is an elusive and fleeting phenomenon. And resume..."Oh she uses drugs, does she", I say quizzically. "Yeah, and she sells them too and [my friend] says they gave her freckles". I laughed and went on to explain that while drugs can drastically alter your appearance and judgment, I don't think freckles are a side effect. (Was she selling drugs too?)

Now I'm not one of those parents that gets all indignant about celebrity debacles because I'm the role model here, but the next thing she told me about Little Miss Lohan did it. "Even if she uses drugs, she made one really cool song that I really love". "Oh yeah, what is it"? She pauses my Pandora, goes to YouTube and pulls this up:

Oh no she didn't! We spent the rest of the afternoon listening to Stevie Knicks and later Fleetwood Mac. "Did you know, that Lindsay Lohan was a thief too? She sure is, the drugs made her do it"! (I kid, we covered copyright law, but I was tempted). It isn't a bad cover, but some things are sacred!

Peace

Shutter Click & Chat 5/10

NEW!

Oooh! Look what I got! I woke up to these beautiful flowers, card and goodies box from the Favorite Guy and former womb dwellers. This is my Mother's Day booty.

This necklace was in my Etsy favorites; a gorgeous sterling and garnet design from Marcus Berkner Jewelry. Isn't it lovely? What's new with you all this fine Sunday morning?

Next week Shutter Click & Chat $100-What would you do with an extra $100, or in my case show me what you did with your extra $100 in about as many minutes. Real Simple poses this ongoing question to its readers, and I thought , hmmm this is good blog fodder-so let's give it a go.

Note to all of the mothers: On this Mother's Day, let us have a moment of what was previously known as silence to remember (at least try) our days of reckless abandon, svelte figures, perky breasts, small purses and intricate time-consuming hairstyles. Observes moment while shooing cats with foot. Done? Okay, now back to the infinitely rewarding richness of our reality. Happy Mother's Day!

Peace

I [heart] when a plan comes together...

I woke up this morning almost having forgotten about the awesome giveaway over at Just Jules'. Not only is she giving away jules, but she's giving you pause for thought-and who can't use pause for thought?! I digress, so I turn on the computer (I'm lying-it was on all night...see: Real Simple there's a whole self-help section on mending your mendacious ways) Rewind, I strike a key and awaken my computer from sleep mode, begin reading blogs and am reminded of the giveaway. Posthaste, panic sets in, "Oh no, (actually, I was thinking, oh shit) do I still have time?" Top right corner of Jules' blog reads "Still Time". Woot! "Where is my favorite marker?" I turn right (I always turn right first, how about you?) then left and, what do I see? Pens, brushes and mini blinds casting the coolest shadow! (Hey Harriet hosts a weekly shadow shooters meme here.) Two memes with one post?! You bet! I just love when a plan comes together. Feel free to join in either of these fun finds, the fine hostesses would be thrilled to make your acquaintance.

Jules asked her readers to fill in the blank, one sentence on white paper in black ink. Ambling along these past 3.5 decades has proven one thing to be constant and that is change. I'm changing everyday; more and more I am getting farther away from the past yet further still from the future.

It's time to get back to work. Here are some of my tools basking in the morning sun, waiting for inspiration to strike. They sit patiently in hopes of being fondled and mussed in ink and paint and lacquer. Soon come, my tools, soon come.

Peace

Keys & Consciousness

Key to Marrakesh necklace (not yet listed)

I am a chronic key loser/misplacer. It's something I've struggled with since my 'tweens when I was first given keys. A therapist once attributed it to unhappiness at home. While that may very well be partly true, much later and in much happier times, I continued to lose my keys.

In the same way that chronic tardiness has been linked to self-worth and self importance, I feel my chronic key loss is some deeper longing for the right fit, or maybe not. Perhaps, I'm shunning the whole premise that one needs, must fit in at all.

In 2003, a series of events led to a period I refer to as "when I lost my mind." Oddly enough, the most obvious indicator that I was, in fact growing weak in my resolve was an overwhelming sense of wanting- almost needing to fit in, to belong. I was attaching myself and clinging in a way that I'd never consciously done before. The energy, the fear, the anxiety I experienced as I struggled for completion contingent on something/someone other than my Self was infinitely exhausting. It felt like all those times as a child when I'd lost my keys; only now, magnified exponentially. I could hear the voices of well-meaning family and friends. "Were you here? Were you there? Are they on a chain? Are there three keys? On a purple lanyard?" "Yes! Yes!", I'd answer eager and excited. Only to hear their dismal replies, "Sorry we can't find them either".

Isn't that really what fitting in and belonging is like? It's having company on the road as you amble along in search of the key. Perhaps, the key isn't lost, but hiding; only to reveal itself once your companions have strayed the path and, you've uncovered all of the people and places to whom you don't belong. What do you think?

The Lowdown on the Showdown

Wipes brow. I...well, we survived prom of 2009! Everything went as planned with the exception of the flood, the fight, the food poisoning, the minor mishap with the flower shop, a spousal spat (Why yes, another one!) , and the ubiquitous hairstyle from hell. The hairstyle from hell was Niqqi's drama but, we all know what a bad hairstyle can do to an otherwise great day! Jordan is well-versed in Black woman hair hell and kept his distance, allowing us a moment to curse the hairstylist and singe a few more curls into place before showtime.

When all was said and done, my rite of passage rival looked upon the fruit of my now thankfully barren womb, smiled broadly and in a sing songy tone said, "Wow, Jor-dan, you look so-o-o nice". Truth, I was so in the moment, I didn't even gloat. But, now that it's over- blows knuckles and rubs them on victorious chest-I knew he would, and all without compromising his personal style! There's good genes in these here jeans! And hers too, Niqqi looked absolutely gorgeous!

Here are a few...okay, more than a few of my favorite pics:

You'll be pleased to know that Joe redeemed himself by being the embarrassing clamber-into-the-limousine-to-get-one-more-shot parent!

Peace

Shutter Click & Chat 5/3

Prom!

The year: 1988

Yesterday, Jordan went to the senior prom. (I won! Details and gorgeous photos to follow.) All of the planning got me to thinking...

You see, if I'd gone to prom, I certainly would have skipped the taffeta and uncomfortable Dyeables shoes. Not for practical reasons, but because I had to be different. Y'know the only thing teenagers have in common is being (read:thinking) they're different.

And the music, no slow dancing for me, this was actually one of my favorite songs the summer of 1988. I don't think Joe liked it very much, but it was in constant rotation...to the point where the audio (Gah, an actual cassette) was garbled just at the starting point of the song from repeated rewinding.



Future plans? I wanted-rather, was determined to be Tiggi Clay, a black 80's new wave ensemble signed to a now defunct subsidiary of Motown. Anyone else ever heard of Tiggi Clay?! Yvonne? I later went on to dual major in Biology/Psychology, certainly not for practical reasons...but well, y'know to be different!

What was your prom or unprom like?

Shutter Click & Chat 5/10:

What's new?! Show me something, someone new in your life. I've been gone a while and I'd like to get caught up on what's new with you!

Note: I am blogging from a foreign computer, sorry about the absence of Mr. Linky...I'll be visiting everyone soon.

Peace