Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Keys & Consciousness

Key to Marrakesh necklace (not yet listed)

I am a chronic key loser/misplacer. It's something I've struggled with since my 'tweens when I was first given keys. A therapist once attributed it to unhappiness at home. While that may very well be partly true, much later and in much happier times, I continued to lose my keys.

In the same way that chronic tardiness has been linked to self-worth and self importance, I feel my chronic key loss is some deeper longing for the right fit, or maybe not. Perhaps, I'm shunning the whole premise that one needs, must fit in at all.

In 2003, a series of events led to a period I refer to as "when I lost my mind." Oddly enough, the most obvious indicator that I was, in fact growing weak in my resolve was an overwhelming sense of wanting- almost needing to fit in, to belong. I was attaching myself and clinging in a way that I'd never consciously done before. The energy, the fear, the anxiety I experienced as I struggled for completion contingent on something/someone other than my Self was infinitely exhausting. It felt like all those times as a child when I'd lost my keys; only now, magnified exponentially. I could hear the voices of well-meaning family and friends. "Were you here? Were you there? Are they on a chain? Are there three keys? On a purple lanyard?" "Yes! Yes!", I'd answer eager and excited. Only to hear their dismal replies, "Sorry we can't find them either".

Isn't that really what fitting in and belonging is like? It's having company on the road as you amble along in search of the key. Perhaps, the key isn't lost, but hiding; only to reveal itself once your companions have strayed the path and, you've uncovered all of the people and places to whom you don't belong. What do you think?


Cecile/DreamCreateRepeat said...

Interesting that you write this post now. How is the new house fitting you?!

I have not lost my keys, but I have lost my purpose. Tell you what, you just keep hunting for your keys and I'll keep hunting for my purpose with acceptance that sometimes we just spend some time hunting


On a more practical note, I don't lose my keys because they are all on this honking big clunky noisy key chain with a slide hook and they hang on my purse which both have a place to hook it. If its not in the door or the ignition doing its job, its on the purse.

Oh....I bet you don't carry a purse....

Annie Pazoo said...

Amen. Here's to finding our purposes and places.

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

What a great ode to your necklace and the use of the it!!

presious said...

My mom would loose her keys constantly. I drove me up the wall!! As a result, I have a place by the door for ALL keys. My kids put theirs in the basket as well. Even when my older kids come to visit, they put theirs in the basket too. Just out of habit.

I tend to experience some anxiety on a regular basis. My tool is to be organized as much as possible and to have a system and a routine, in general.

With four kids, things were always getting lost and everyone came to "MOM" to find it. So, that is what Mom did, created an organized, rountine system so that I would be able to "send" them to a certain place/point or I can easily get it myself.

Having an organized system really makes things easier for "Me" since I am the one everyone comes to to find "their"!

Works very well...:)

p.s. I find it interesting that you refer to the aspect of having company during the search for the missing keys. Could lonliness or companionship be somewhat of an issue for you? Perhaps the therapist was on the right track. My first thought is to go back to childhood and do a good search.

Just food for thought...:)

hint said...

You're so amazing! I can't decide anymore if I need to find the key I lost or just stay with the emptiness. Lucinda Williams has this song "I Lost It"

"I think I lost it
Let me know if you come across it
Let me know if I let it fall
Along a back road somewhere
Money can't replace it
No memory can erase it
And I know I'm never gonna find
Another one to compare"

Still haunts me :)

Hope you are enjoying your search!

julie king said...

such a thought-provoking post! i think felling content and comfortable in your own skin is way more important than belonging or fitting in. if you can do the former then the latter has no impact on your life. it's a struggle though, isn't it. it's all a journey, my friend.

gorgeous necklace!!

fly tie said...

i think that's a very fitting analogy..or metaphor (brain's all englished out at this point). i think that for the most part, we do want companionship, togetherness, etc. even though people like me--a self-proclaimed introvert and loner--come across as though it's not important to us. i guess that's what fitting in or belonging is really about. and as you stated, we eventually get to that point where we realize where we should/shouldn't be and who we should/shouldn't be with.

great post. gives me something to think about.

A Cuban In London said...

It is a very interesting post. To me life is a long trip in which you find various keys that unlock different doors. Sometimes you have the wrong key and the right door, or viceversa. I can definitely identify with the theme.

Many thanks and good luck with finding your key :-).

Greetings from London.

Mama Shujaa said...

Yes absolutely, YOU are the key. I like the depth of this post and how you delicately touch on our innermost strivings; our need to unlock the doors, the constraints we have placed on ourselves as we've reached adulthood; to unleash that energy that will ultimately enlarge our world in a positive way.

Good food for thought.

Mama Shujaa.

Ms. Bar B: said...

Thank you so much for writing this. I think its something that I really needed to read/internalize. Now, I just need a little time to work with this =)

Kathy said...

I think I recently found my "keys" and my mind is clear and I'm happier and more at peace than I've ever been. I've never been a real key loser, but the comparisons you make are interesting. I think many of the things we do or don't do are a direct result of other things that are going on in our cluttered little minds. Great post.

PussDaddy said...

Your necklace is lovely. I, too, have always found your posts deep and thought provoking.


Jewelry Rockstar said...

This is a very interesting post. It leaves me with so many things to think about. I'm not one to lose my keys, but I have lost my cell phones and I have broken things. India Arie wrote a song about losing things and breaking things that registered with me. It is called slow down. It's about going through life without focus. I think maybe it all ties in. You know what I mean, letting life happen instead of making it happen. When that starts to happen to me, I get quiet and refocus myself, so that I'm back on track.

M Ayers said...

Ahh, I am a habitual key loser and latecomer. Not sure what the deepness of that is, but I'll read some more of your posts for insight :)

Your post is spot on. What I have learned in the past 3.5 years is that I must know myself - and adjust my life accordingly. I am easily stressed and realized that if I really prepare beforehand I am a better human being to play with.

Thanks for your enlightenment, wit and grace. Beautiful.

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