As someone who lives with clinical depression, happiness can oftentimes feel as elusive as calorie-free cake and world peace. There's an overwhelming idealism about the concept, an expectation of something far from reach, something far from real, something incredibly intangible.
Lately, I've been working to change the way I measure my personal happiness, both as a choice and a recovery goal. Stigma to the flames, I've been acknowledging, accepting and treating my illness. Unsurprisingly this decision has and will continue to make some people sick.
In the way that diabetics ration sweets, as a depressive, I've had to restrict my bitterness intake. Chances are I've taken a pill for you, if you've called in the past couple weeks with some suck in your teeth, some roll in your neck, and/or low octave levels in your voice. Not because I don't love you, but because I can't, "nunh uh", not right now.
Y'know, I've never really been much of an emotions juggler. I'm far too feeling for that sort of mental-tasking. Once it's in my hands, I hold on to it, usually far longer than I should. So, for now, I'm giving it back, putting the onus on the owner, banning the bitter, foolery is forbidden-I'm sure there'll be much more where that came from, as I get better at this.
It's Thursday, and that's my project. What parts of yourself are you working on?
6 comments:
wonderful honest post, I can relate...as for me I'm working on slowing down a bit, I tend to fill my days with todo lists, though this past few days I am letting some things go and trying not to feel guilty about it.
::laughs right along with you:: Great perspective. Sometimes a little tailoring can make a little magic happen... like, having limited access to goodies making my pants appear smaller =).
I'm (still) working on "doin' me". a work in progress, but I'm making progress and that's the most important part. Thanks for giving me another part of the happiness puzzle to consider!
great post...there is always room for improvement. I am working on not being so meek with my opinion and feelings. I have a tendency to be really passionate about something but not take the step to speak up about it. I am way beyond where I used to be on this but would love to progress a little more.
I'm working on all of me! A complete re-evaluation. Glad i came across your blog and your brave words.
Love you girl, and I'm proud of your work though acknowledgement.
ya know, i hadn't really thought about it, but after reading your post I now realize that i've been doing a similar...i guess...inventory on happiness.
i've also been working on enlarging my life some. i know i'm capable of waaay more than i've been doing lately...
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