Monday, November 16, 2009

Drunk, again...


I've done it again-I got people drunk, and now I'm paying with a hell of an anxiety-laden, what was he/she thinking, what did they really mean by "x,y,z", she looks sad, he looks distant, he lied, she lied, I lied...collapses and faintly whispers, hangover.


I know what you're thinking (which is a big part of the problem), so why do I do it? Well, I don't do it intentionally, and even try to avoid it by dulling the senses with fine lager. Nevertheless, it happens. My receptors get all fired up and here I am in this human-filled room hearing all of their conversations, comparing and contrasting their eye and body movements against what is being said; picking up on their secrets, shame and demons, and before you know it, I'm on overload. Now, the party is over, they've gone on with their lives and I'm unwell.


Yesterday was the hardest day, I imagine it's like waking up next to someone whom you don't know well enough. Blink blink...my brain starts to awaken and the discomfort sets in. I bring my forearm up over my eyes to...I don't know what it's supposed to do, I saw it in a movie I think. Cerebral radio begins to play the random hit of the night; tonight's hit is the Black-Eyed Peas, Meet Me Halfway. Figures, I hated that song not 5 minutes before we left home.


I feel, I don't know how I feel. I feel open, fearful, anxious. I feel I've been made privy to too much and in that exposure I too have become weakened, vulnerable, fragmented. I feel-in short, like I need repair. So, that's what I'll do, as I've always done. I'm going to reach in and fix myself, clear my head, straighten my back, recoup and rehab, and I'll undoubtedly fall off the people wagon again, but hopefully not too soon.

Does anyone out there experience these same sensitivities after social situations?




Peace and solitude

12 comments:

nicaeli said...

Oh my goodness! you have just described my exact feelings after any social event, it's nice to know I am not alone! A few years back, I would even feel like you described after my work day ended,(part of the reason I feel like working for myself would be way more beneficial to my mental and physical health) It seems that most social functions are more of a challenge than they are fun for me.

mairedodd said...

yes, yes and yes... i have stopped caring about what people will think when i get the glazed look in my eyes and start drifting out of conversations...(after all, some of them look like that because they have imbibed too much)... my chest pounds, i can feel every beat of my heart banging from inside of me... my skin just tingles... i get completely overstimulated... i hope you can get yourself feeling more centered... it is an awful feeling... be well xo

Jennifer said...

When I read your facebook post, I knew I'd *find* you here :)

YES!!! I believe, among other things that I don't know about, it's part of being an introvert. Social situations are draining, so you need alone time to recharge. I am the same way and sometimes I sort of slide out of the situation for a while. Add to that, observing, wanting to examine things deeper, wishing you hadn't heard some things and my gosh, the things that you said...even if they were benign, I tend to know that understanding me is rare because I rarely say things just like I mean them. I speak in drafts I think and most people jump in somewhere between the rough draft and editing phase. TOO MUCH!! I could go on an on, but I do get it :)

Ms. Bar B: said...

Oh boy. Ditto what Jennifer just said. All the introverts in the house, raise em' up high.

I think I might have to share this with my Kipenzi (boyfriend) because once I tried to explain this process to him. Such a process it is. Even within my close circle of friends this happens. I find myself having to cut off all contact with them for a day or too because I can't even accept their loving hugs. Just makes me wanna run when I see arms stretched out and heading toward me... sigh.

Happy recouping.

Victoria said...

ALL. THE. TIME.

And I don't even have to be drunk... Cold stone sober and I still fall into the over-analyze torture trap.

It is painful and drives me mad. My husband doesn't get it. He could care less what was said, what wasn't said and what body language was used. I however obsess over it all. I do it with family, friends and strangers. Thought I was the only one... thanks for the open confession. Misery must love company, because I love knowing I am not alone in this!

mairedodd said...

you know what devastates me? dishonesty and insincerity... shallowness... people discussing serious topics in flip ways with no respect to the human factor... people being unkind to other people... and not necessarily in an in-your-face kind of a way...

Mountaindreamers said...

( in a whispered voice ) This is why I am a hermit now ; ) I love people as a concept but in very small doses . xxxx

Sherry Goodloe said...

Huuummm, I wonder if that is why I really don't like "social events" that much anymore???

Jewelry Rockstar said...

Completely understand. This is why I don't like bringing new people around me. People seem to "peoplate" every situation. That's what my husband calls it. I love people and can't stand them all at the same time. Too much to figure out, wonder about, contemplate, strategize, etc. No one seems simple. People have deep-rooted issues that make them steal halloween masks and shit. I don't know I just feel you right now. Ugh.

High Desert Diva said...

Not as intensely, but I do feel the need to nap after social encounters.

My social skills have dulled considerably since moving to the desert (aka: the boonies).

Not good.

Jill said...

I used to do that so much--maybe not exactly what you're saying but in my case OVER ANALYZE more what I said than anything else. Like Jennifer said, you wonder how anyone can understand you when what you say is not really what you mean.
Such an interesting post. I loved it. It did take me a bit to get it(I'm a bit slow and not used to such lovely wittiness) At first I thought you had given everyone double shots at a party you had!

fly tie said...

oh my, i missed this one, but YES!!!

just to go into it all would exhaust me, but i do relate. i like how jewelry rockstar put it especially.

(beautifully written by the way)

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