Fasting in its widely used context has been said to bring people closer to their God; heighten consciousness, increase feelings of peace and clarity. I'm currently experiencing much of these same feelings on an emotional level. I'm feeling closer to who I am-who I really am, not who I am to this one and that one. Who I am within. It's been a clear and peaceful reckoning in a dark and sometimes very lonely place.
It's been almost a month since I opted out of the narcissistic relationships that were feeding an unhealthy and seemingly involuntary need to please and nurture. The recent distancing has shed some harsh light on the problems surrounding my parentification and how it has shaped me. Yet, there hasn't been a day-since the last blaze of anger died down, that hasn't been met with a flickering clarity amidst the slow, low simmer of hope.
I know it's only the beginning and with any lifestyle change the beginning is, "Gung-ho time, get up and go time. Eight days later I'll try again next time". This is why I've chosen to write about it, all of it (not all publicly)-the highs and the lows of it. I'm keeping a tangible record of my hunger for change lest I ever forget how long it took me to make it this far.