Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Fasting on the Slow Road

I said jokingly during a "conversation" with an internet pal that I was partaking in a "friends and family fast", and it got me thinking... (Oh no, she's thinking again!)

Fasting in its widely used context has been said to bring people closer to their God; heighten consciousness, increase feelings of peace and clarity. I'm currently experiencing much of these same feelings on an emotional level. I'm feeling closer to who I am-who I really am, not who I am to this one and that one. Who I am within. It's been a clear and peaceful reckoning in a dark and sometimes very lonely place.

It's been almost a month since I opted out of the narcissistic relationships that were feeding an unhealthy and seemingly involuntary need to please and nurture. The recent distancing has shed some harsh light on the problems surrounding my parentification and how it has shaped me. Yet, there hasn't been a day-since the last blaze of anger died down, that hasn't been met with a flickering clarity amidst the slow, low simmer of hope.

I know it's only the beginning and with any lifestyle change the beginning is, "Gung-ho time, get up and go time. Eight days later I'll try again next time". This is why I've chosen to write about it, all of it (not all publicly)-the highs and the lows of it. I'm keeping a tangible record of my hunger for change lest I ever forget how long it took me to make it this far.

What change(s) have you been hungry for, lately? What have you done to make it happen? (You don't have to share, but you will have to act, eventually.)


Peace and Persistence

Note: For all interested, the Practical Yoga: Calm Heart Challenge begins today.

13 comments:

Cecile/DreamCreateRepeat said...

Glad to hear about your changes. That article was an interesting read. You lead your life at a highly conscious level.

Kala Pohl Studio said...

Tameka, I am there with you on this journey. Several months ago, a higher level awareness happened with relationships for me. For years, I have been in a not so healthy cycle with family. I too had to distance myself for a bit to get clarity about how I can and need to change. After all, isn't that the only thing we have control over - our reactions:):) The moment I decided to wholeheartedly let things go in peace, a lot of wonderful things have been happening:)

High Desert Diva said...

Bravo

Shannon said...

sounds like the days can only get brighter!

Jennifer said...

Oh gosh...I just blogged about "maturing"...reinventing (my changes). I'm also working on losing the baby weight I gained 6 years ago, LOL!...It's a symbol though. It isn't the pounds, it's letting go and trusting the universe...record on, I'm there with you!

Sheryl Parsons said...

Time has a way of changing our perspective of events and relationships. I've just taken a step back off the roller coaster of feeling like I had to be in hyper productive mode. There are some things worth taking time out for, and others, not worth the worry and stress. Relationships are often viewed through a lense tinted by the past. But if we take the time to talk and think about them, we see that some colors fall off the spectrum, and others become brighter. Bless you in your journey!
Sheryl

Caroline D. said...

It's always wonderful to hear of people actually taking the time and awareness to work on themselves... thank you for sharing. I am in a similar moment in my life and am heartened to see what you are doing. keep it up, it's so helpful to all of us reading! :)

Mama Shujaa said...

Wonderful sharing.

M Ayers said...

Each time I sit down to enjoy some "Tea" I am elated that you have graced me with the other 90% of your brain. How refreshing!

Whew - heavy post, much? It's funny, I am on such a journey, but it is not all pretty and peaceful. Self awareness shows you the brighter side of things if you agree to get on board the "change" train, however it also can reveal the ugly, dark, or just not up to par, you.

So Jael received Student of the Month - just came back thinking I was really in the moment, in the present at her assembly. Have you ever just really been "THERE" when you are somewhere? I thought of nothing but her, the look of the auditorium, her smile, my beaming pride.

Then I came home and got a message from something I have decided to cowardly avoid than to confront. I am ashamed of myself for being a dodger. I thought I was stronger.

I am on the path with you.

hint said...

This is so beautiful! I just finished reading "Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers"

So I will be looking forward to watching your journey unfold.

The need for space and ease is so essential for balance and creativity. I wish you peace surrounding all of this :)

fly tie said...

that's great, and thanks for sharing.

change is what i'm all about at the moment. i'm so bored/sick of/done with my present situation that i'm on a quest to make some major adjustments. and i'm so grateful to be aware of myself enough to know that this is what's needed. change, i mean. as to what exactly that change is, i've yet to conclude!

A Cuban In London said...

Interesting and, dare I say, enigmatic post. Hmmm... it gives one so many ideas to ponder. Many thanks.

Greetings from London.

miznyc said...

Having done a food fast before I do recall feeling like irrelevant voices got drowned out and I was more focused on the important things. I am changing things. Part of the reason why I closed my shop for a bit!

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