Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Okay, so perhaps I am over-protective...a little teeny bit. This evening I booked a flight for Puberty Man. He is headed for the Big Apple. My sweet' um's, my honey bunches of oats with almonds...the fruit of my way young, oh so taught and perky lady loins. Wink. What shall I do? Seriously, a whole week! Yikes! Joe is being totally testosterone-filled about the whole thing, but between you, me and the world wide webs the depths of his Cancerian lunacy is as bad as mine. 3,000 miles in less than 30 days... half of my chromosomes are outta here. I'm a mess Margaret! Make no mistake, beneath my polished exterior and eloquence, I am a mad medley of "New York yenta, Low Country martyr and, good ol' I-read-the-paper-and-know-all-about-crazy-ass-folks, high on too much coffee" mom. Deep breath. If you thought otherwise...that's fine forget what I just said and mind your business.
As the children get older and this parenting deal spans beyond tattling and tooth fairies I am forced to recognize just how tough it really is. I'm a bit of...well okay I am a total control freak. I'm very open-minded about some things but there are areas of my children's lives that I am near tyrannical about. I guess we all have things that are important to us based on our own upbringing and experiences...I'd say I have fewer than most but the few that I have, I'm rather fervent about.
Sex-Anyone who thinks the power of pulsating pantie parts is squelched by a stern talking to is nuts. The way I see it is, if you're going to do it please protect yourself because you don't want a lifelong case of cooties or a kid before you've even mastered your technique. I often joke with the committee about how many years of bad sex of we've all partaken in. Why is flexibility and stamina wasted on youth?! It's some kind of cruel joke to be able to stay awake for hours on end bumping about awkwardly and by the time you really figure it all out-you've either no time or shit stops working properly. Have at it while you can.
Drugs-I don't understand the appeal of drugs. And, on a more serious note they have had a larger more painful impact on my life than many, well...than most. That being said this is a HUGE issue for me. I've had the drug talk, and I don't subscribe to the whole, "Marijuana is a gateway drug blah blah... I started with pot and now I sniff glue with what's left of my nose after coke". Not. But, realistically speaking I advise against marijuana and other drug use because it makes you ugly and you forget shit. Trust if I have to remind Puberty Man to do the same chores he's been doing for the past 4 years on the same days each week everyday, he probably would forget to breathe if he took up pot smoking. So, I think we've pretty much covered that. And as for looks he's fairly vain from years of hearing how carefully one must select a mate to ensure the integrity of the gene pool. Yes, I'm serious.
Education-I homeschool for a number of reasons, but running really close behind the fact that I love spending time with my little people is that I want them to leave and not come back. They are welcome to stay with Joe and I as long as they are pursuing an education which will inevitably lead to a career, financial independence and alas their departure. I cannot depend on the state of Arizona to ensure that I will one day be able to traipse around in the buff again or go on a vacation that does not require that I actually do anything. I am fine with booking a flight to a far off land to eat food that I cannot get locally, sleep and read. That, after all is a vacation. Trudging the hot crowded hills of an amusement park only to end my day with burning feet and gas courtesy of Panda Express is a fate worse than death.
That's pretty much it, I'm pretty easy, huh? I don't stress over fashion or asshole friends. Some of my best times were spent living vicariously through the experiences of an asshole friend(s). And once they're in heat the middle school hygiene issues have since rectified themselves. I mean, while you're in the bathroom lip syncing, posing in the mirror and pulling on your parts you may as well take advantage of the amenities and splash a little water on it, no?
I guess in reviewing some of the policies and procedures I'm feeling a bit more comfortable about the whole idea. He'll be with family and friends and it is only 7 days. Shudder. I'll have to do something to help the time go quickly...If you have any suggestions, please drop a line. If I go with your suggestion, I'll chronicle the adventure right here and I'll send you a Pretty in Peace design for being cool, deal? What I will not do is anything that will require me to leave my house or limit carbohydrate intake...anything else is fair game. Start your engines.
at 11:13 PM