I had an amazingly productive day today...a manic episode, perhaps? Well, atleast I don't have any money to spend frivolously and well, sexual deviance has never been my thing! I did however produce some awesome autumn inspired gift tags and a beautiful picture frame for my Etsy shop.

I had almost given up last week; on my Etsy venture... The method to the madness as I see it is, this is the first time in a really long time that I have went out on a limb and put myself out there at the mercy of the public. Particularly in an arena that I do not own. Now, had this been about spelling or metaphysics, foreign language or philosophy, no worries. I've always had an affinity for art/craft, but it is also an area where there are no right/wrong answers/outcomes, you only know that you're successful at it if, well...it goes on faith. That, I just don't have a comfortable grasp on, but I'm getting closer. Truth is, this blog, Etsy, quitting my job, exclusively homeschooling my children, depending on my husband financially is all NEW! to me-and I kind of like it. I feel liberated and unafraid and confident and in many ways victorious. It is a win for me to have even ventured this far beyond my confort zone, no matter the outcome.

As for other plans on the horizon. I've just placed an order for some super cool funky beads and findings for Pretty In Peace (my jewelry line). My initial plan was to launch September 1, but I'm feeling a bit half-cocked in that my "store" design isn't ready and I don't know how I feel about diving in and testing the waters after the fact. On one hand I'm all for quality product even if the presentation isn't superior, but on the other hand I'm a presentation whore. Come on I had my daughter blow her birthday candles out twice to get the right scrapbook shot-need I say more. Perhaps, I should focus on being less pretentious? Yeah. Perhaps another time-I'm already maxed on self improvement for this lifetime.

Slowly enters...Hello All, it is me, Slacker the Blogger! I have been busy dreaming up a bunch of stuff to be busy doing, if that makes any sense at all. And today, I am deathly ill, but in true female fashion I must succumb to the gluttonous masochistic need to spread myself thinner!

Let's see what's been happening? I love love love my husband and he loves loves loves me. No particular reason, we've just been meshing well lately and that's a good thing cause when we aren't, "Watch it buddy!" We've kicked off the homeschool year, "Ok". A few "I'm stuck in dumb mode from summer vacation" episodes but overall a fairly successful launch. Each day I feel more confident with the decision I've made to cut back and stay home with my children. They're each such promising individuals that I couldn't see leaving the molding of these ever important years to anyone other than their neurotic mother. Truly, I lack the necessary tools to function in a room of more than 5 people but between these ears is a vast amount of wisdom and knowledge, and some of it is even useful. Turns to Jordan and asks if I'm "the best thing since sliced bread", he replies "When was sliced bread invented? As he looks toward the bread basket. Have you ever watched the cartoon Bobby's World? He's a lot like that, it's pretty cute. Trust that these pubescent years are not easy so I seize every opportunity to look at him and actually think he's cute!

I've been blog perusing lately and I think I'm going to step my blog game up a bit. I had initially tip-toed on the scene; apprehensive of airing to much dirty laundry. Looks over at time on microwave to see if it's 9:00 that's off-peak when it is less costly to wash clothes. I could surely benefit from adding photos for a number of reasons, but namely because they liven things up. I should add that I totally suck at taking photos. I don't know what it is. I enjoy taking them and have lots of them on display throughout our home, but I'm just not very good at it. So this will be good for me. I'll get past some of my perfection paralysis, liven up my blog and hopefully get better at taking photos. In true OCD fashion I'll launch this lovely upgrade on or around the 2nd of September, because it is a Sunday and it is the beginning of the month. I seem to find luck in doing things that way. That will also be the official launch date for Pretty In Peace on etsy; my jewelry and original art line. The items at the base of this blog are my therapeutic craft items, but from time to time I come up with ideas that expand beyond craft in depth and those will be sold at Pretty In Peace. As with all things Tameka, there's no specific reason for it, I'm headed in no particular direction with it. You ask why and I say, "Why not"? Til Tuesday...

I really want to write something profound and amazing, but I just can't. As an aside, our 16th anniversary pictures are nothing short of amazing, we are HOT! *laughs* " Don't be jelly!" Seriously, favorite guy and I are pretty good looking for two old folks, good genes/jeans-I tell ya! *belches, runs off to admire anniversary pictures...and gloat*

Feels around on scalp for "off" switch.

Well, so much for sleep. I'm thoroughly bothered by some recent events in the business lives of Joe and I. I tried to put it to rest over pizza this afternoon, but it just keeps resurfacing. A few years ago we started up an indie label with a mission statement consisting of 6 core principles. They are art,music,culture,faith,life and love. Joseph and I are right brained liberal non conformist types who relish in anything grey. Well, it doesn't get much greyer than art,music,culture,faith, life and love. You can ask anyone at any given time on any given section of the planet and you will undoubtedly get responses as diverse as the participants. Along the way we've crossed paths with some who've developed their own rather strident interpretation of our label's core principles, go figure. Just as an aside it is 1:30 am and Joseph is asleep. He has no idea that I am writing this, but I might add that while he may not always agree he doesn't ever censor my views or otherwise infringe upon my rights as an artist. We have recently signed a rather talented artist from across the globe who has by way of visual art brought to light the global issues of poverty and homelessness. The audio expression is without words and therefore left completely to the listener for its full interpretation. The title of the song contains the ubiquitous F word. Can you spell backlash?! We have received some not so nice unsolicited feedback from former label supporters and it is rather disheartening. I guess the part that is most troublesome is the premise of bellowing over what you believe our core principles are or were. There was never a claim to be affiliated with any specific race, religion or culture but that we were committed to all art, music, culture, faith, life and love. I may be biased as I am rather skilled in the use of the F word and as I'd like to think many other words. (I thoroughly enjoyed the Electric Company and Sesame Street as a child) Sadly enough, on both sides words have caused a great deal of distress.

For me, words are merely words until intent is taken into context. I fondly recall our youngest child calling me a "spaghetti". Yeah, she said "You spaghetti!" But, with such intensity that she may has well have called me the B word. And, I reprimanded her as though she had based solely on the intent. We did not stop preparing spaghetti nor did we ban it from household use, it is not the S word in the Mercado home and as far as I know no one has been flogged or jailed for its use in the free world. To that, our oldest child is a budding wordsmith and has at his disposal an arsenal of words; both urban and esoteric, that are all allowed when used in the appropriate context. Am I insane, have I got it all wrong? I'd like to think not, but that is just my opinion. One I respectfully never attempt to force on others.

I'm hopeful that we can get past the issue of the song's title with minimal strife and moreover I'd like to be removed from the fishbowl of cynicism as we've never offered any more insight into our complex ideologies than the 6 words in our mission statement. Six words that are apparently as interpretive as the word christianity and those casting stones while under its thin veil.

I've never quite understood the misconception that art is only art if you like it. That music is only music if it makes you dance. That cultures other than your own lack sense, substance or necessity. That Christianity is the only faith. That there is any one clear cut directive for a meaningful, purpose-filled life. That people/things of whom/which you cannot understand are not equally deserving of acceptance and love. Perhaps, I will never understand because I am agnostic: a=without, gnosis=knowledge. Which as I've recently discovered is also subject to vast mis-interpretation.

Today's blog was brought to you by the letter "A" and the words art and acceptance, assholes! laughs....(Seriously I had to throw that in or it just wouldn't be me). Have a good day all.

Thanks, Rosalie

Rubs eyes walks toward fridge to make an Alka-Seltzer cocktail...the saltier, tastier, more cost efficient Equate brand antacid was sold out...I guess everyone is getting ready for back to school, eh?...

Child-rearing, drugs, Alzheimer's, global warming, recycling, interracial dating, the military, big breasts, promiscuity, slow learners, accelerated learners, custody agreements, homosexuality, racism, the musculoskeletal structure of different ethnic groups, genetics, color blindness, and hemophilia. This is a list of topics I covered with my grandmother during one of our regularly unscheduled 2 plus hour phone conversations. Did I mention Joe's teeth?! We talked about that too, my grandmother just loves Joe's teeth.

It's amazing how it really is true that you can be one person in the world or the world to one person. When my grandmother's glucose levels are on, she is the most entertaining, intelligent rational, amenable human being on the planet and although she is nearly 50 years older than I am there is no one who I find more pleasurable to be around. I absolutely adore her. It is an amazing feeling to have someone that knows your heart and protects it, someone who genuinely enjoys you for no other reason that the fact that you are you. We have always felt that way about each other. I vividly and warmly recollect our times together through the years, each of us glowing like childhood friends. I'll never know what happened with her relationships with her own children, and I'm glad. I choose to enjoy this relationship in blissful ignorance.

I am at an odd point in my life right now having sky-rocketed through my younger years, I find myself at 34 happy but lacking definitive direction. I'm on tour so to speak. Everything is wonderful-make no mistake, but I have no destination. This is a bit odd for me as I am generally in control, plan in hand. Could it be that I have finally arrived and the adage is true? Is success really in the journey? I guess I'll inevitably find out. I reflected on this as I was speaking with my grandmother who at 82...I think (I did mention the lack of accurate record keeping in rural South Carolina, yes?) is as inquisitive as Yael Rose at 8. When I brought up global warming and consumerism she immediately began to question her beef and pork consumption and her regular use of paper plates. I, of course assured her that the two or so plates she uses, as she is living alone these days-hardly causes a great deal of environmental detriment. Which was more relieving to her than the methane gas and cows dilemma. At which point she sounded worried and asked, "Well what can I eat?". Although it was in reference to global warming her voice had the suspicious tinge of influence from last week's conversation about her diabetes and her insistence on putting butter, cream cheese and jelly on her breakfast bagel. She's very funny about diet as most black southerners are. My vegetarianism is tantamount to cardinal sin back home. In southern accent, "Child you better c'mon here and git some of this good pork and things". The word "sin" has been thrown about quite freely and frequently in our home today...that's a whole other ugly story.

Our conversations are always mentally stimulating, such thought provoking topics between she and I, and the 50 years between us make for a most enlightening perspective. I realize my grandmother is an intellectual nomad. I know that the next time we speak she will have something to add to everything we covered and we will continue on this journey together. It's a most frightening prospect, 82 years is, in years traveled. In the 34 that I have had the pleasure of sharing with her, she has suffered many losses; friends, children, a husband. Yet, she sees no end. In my darkest times I draw on her travels and travails, and mark the map just one more stop along the way. I guess there really is no place to go, just a place to be. Thanks Rosalie.

I really ought to get some house work done, but this is an urgent thought. Reality. What is reality? When someone makes a statement and says,"... in all reality"or,"... in all actuality"- what are they really saying? We each create and dwell in our very own reality and that could not have been more apparent in the three conversations that I had with three very close friends yesterday.

The biggest misconception I witnessed is that of principle. Acting on principle is not validation for being spiteful and manipulative. There are instances when acting on principle adversely affects those involved, but not in so far as to sabotage or otherwise inconvenience them greatly. because of my strong feelings about drugs I would not-on principle accept drug money or tolerate any use or sale of drugs in my home or in my presence. This is principle. Calling the police or slandering the neighbors for smoking marijuana in their home during their party because I wasn't invited is spite. I think it must be far easier to act in vengeance than to accept that perhaps it is merely your perception of the event or person that is really bringing you discomfort. Perhaps my neighbor meant to stop over and invite me personally, but it slipped her mind in all of the planning, perhaps she called and the kids did not pass on the message. There are often so many hidden truths to any given situation that acting in haste and malevolence is always wrong.

Another misconception is something I learned about a decade ago from someone who strangely enough thought quite highly of me with an odd way of expressing it. Sense of entitlement. Believing that upon any action your are somehow entitled to retribution or restitution. I have seen it over and over and it never amounts to anything good. Parents and children, "I work two jobs and he can't even clean his room." It is your responsibility to take care of your children and part of that is setting rules for communal living such as chores. Have you asked your children to clean the room? Twice? (I learned this in a marriage seminar, asking once is never enough) And, have they had consequences for not doing so? Perhaps your two jobs have interfered with your main job. Revisit. Romantic relationships, " I always ask about his day and his friends and his family...and he never asks about mine it is as if he doesn't care" Perhaps he doesn't. Just because the happenings of his daily routine are essential knowings for your day doesn't mean he feels the same. I am significantly closer to my family than my husband, we each respect that the other has good reason for the amount of time spent with and on family. My husband on the other hand is more inclined to ask about the kids when he is not at home and I don't. I figure he's got it under control.

It is true that you should treat people the way that you would like to be treated in theory as a generalization, not that you should lay out a blueprint of each interaction and they should be obliged to follow.

I find these issues unsettling and even annoying. I hold my friendships in high regard, but big character flaws such as these and/or areas of extreme malevolence make me feel unsafe in the relationship. I'm faced with wondering, "Wow could this happen to me"? In my yoga practice I have been taught to listen to my mind, body and spirit. Too often, I say yes when I really want to say no. I also let conversations and debates go on far longer than they need to and will even offer explanation of my position when I know the other party either is undeserving or otherwise uninterested in being pragmatic. I'm noticing particularly in the past two days that my self awareness and growth will take more getting used to for those around me than myself. Its a risk well worth the taking.

It has been over a week on the new medication, my energy is coming back and moreover my purpose is clear. I feel focused and ready for whatever awaits even if that means a little friendship pruning.

stretches yawns rubs eyes Wow, I've been so busy lately...I guess. Let's see Thursday we took our anniversary photos. The first professional portraits we've taken since we were married. My initial thought was, "How sad" but in retrospect, and this is not meant to take anything away from the wonderful memories we've made during this journey-this year is one that deserves preservation. Asks self, "If you had it to do all over again would you?" Answers self, "Nope. Can't I just stay in this moment?"

I'm pleased with the photos we selected. You know how they take a bazillion frames?! I was so tempted to buy all of them, well except the soap opera shots which were hard enough to take. There's something about dreamily looking into Joe's eyes that seems disingenuous. Not that we aren't loving and affectionate, but generally not with an audience and definitely not on demand like show ponies! All in all though, it was a pleasant experience and I'm looking forward to picking up the photos on the 14th.

Other than that the last 4 days have been pretty uneventful, just pretty relaxed and we're looking forward to the next set of adventures.

Today, August 2nd 2007 is my 16th wedding anniversary...pauses sighs looks up and to the left drawing on recollection of todays' events. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. Be well all.

I've added NEW! items to my etsyshop-have a gander...as the suspense kills you! evil laughter fades...