It has been some time since my last post, and in all honesty it hasn't been for lack of words to speak. So much is happening everyday on this journey that I simply lack the time, and dare I say eloquence to put it all down for posterity.
My divorce is fully underway, and by that I mean legally and the unfortunate host of fuckery that accompanies a dissolution of this magnitude. Just think,you put your very best face forward for the beginning of times but that mean old ugly one you got saved up for Neverary thirty-second becomes clear and present at the end of times. It is the absolute worst.
I try to compare it to other major life changes and the way we fickle humans conjure up all kinds of excuses and defenses, real and imagined, true and outright blasphemous, to ease and justify our transition. It is a death you see coming and really there is no handbook for fear and grief. So, while it hurts like hell and I feel most days like I must have spent the last twenty-two years in some alternate reality, at day's end, I can simply chalk it up to the horrors of (in)humanity. We really ought to be nicer to each other, go give someone a hug today, smile at a stranger. I'm telling you, your gesture might very well make their day.
The young people seem to be adjusting well, I foster much open communication about the changes they are both witnessing and experiencing. I envy their flexibility and ability to adapt, and just roll with the punches; someday, soon come.
I hope all of you are doing well. I want to once again, thank you for your continued support and readership. If you have noticed I am no longer on Facebook, as I am practicing a little "Save (Face)book". This is not an easy time for our family, and the sensitivity of the matter-unfortunately, seems to be lost on some.
This is where you'll find me go forward. Between us here, I like you all best. Do leave a brief note to let me know you were here and are well.
My divorce is fully underway, and by that I mean legally and the unfortunate host of fuckery that accompanies a dissolution of this magnitude. Just think,you put your very best face forward for the beginning of times but that mean old ugly one you got saved up for Neverary thirty-second becomes clear and present at the end of times. It is the absolute worst.
I try to compare it to other major life changes and the way we fickle humans conjure up all kinds of excuses and defenses, real and imagined, true and outright blasphemous, to ease and justify our transition. It is a death you see coming and really there is no handbook for fear and grief. So, while it hurts like hell and I feel most days like I must have spent the last twenty-two years in some alternate reality, at day's end, I can simply chalk it up to the horrors of (in)humanity. We really ought to be nicer to each other, go give someone a hug today, smile at a stranger. I'm telling you, your gesture might very well make their day.
The young people seem to be adjusting well, I foster much open communication about the changes they are both witnessing and experiencing. I envy their flexibility and ability to adapt, and just roll with the punches; someday, soon come.
I hope all of you are doing well. I want to once again, thank you for your continued support and readership. If you have noticed I am no longer on Facebook, as I am practicing a little "Save (Face)book". This is not an easy time for our family, and the sensitivity of the matter-unfortunately, seems to be lost on some.
This is where you'll find me go forward. Between us here, I like you all best. Do leave a brief note to let me know you were here and are well.
Peace and friendship
11 comments:
if you haven't summed up the hole thing with 'alternate reality'... so very much the truth... with the knowledge that illuminates and a clearer head, one does have moments of 'what was i thinking?' and 'how did that happen?'...
it is nice when the sun shines through.. and it will, more and more...
Tameka, good to see you back. Hugs!
Tameka. I love you! I really can't think of anything else to say. I know it's tough.
My warm thoughts and arms are with and around you friend. I know you'll make it through. We love you.
Dear heart, there are no words when it comes to these things. But know that these (e)arms are here to comfort, these (e)shoulders and (e)ears are here for the listening, and that you are absolutely adored. I'm super sorry to know that you're going through this, but I hope you know that a lot of us are in our respective corners, cheering you on. My prayer is that the energy of those who really care for you lights your path out of the darkness. Big ((HUGS!))
Hey Tameka after not seeing a regular comment on FB I went to go send you a message and couldn't find you :( I'm so sorry to hear about this tough time but knowing the Tameka I rememeber and have grown to love I know you will get thru this in your typical classy no nonsense manner. Hugs and positive thoughts and vibes coming your way....xoxo carol
I'm so glad to see you post again Tameka. You're right there really is no hand book for fear and grief. However, when my first husband died I read C.S. Lewis' book A Grief Observed and he said that he had no idea how much grief would feel like fear. That struck me so. And, here you say fear and grief. Not, loss and grief. Because grief whether for a person to physical death or a part of your life to death in this new reality of yours, so much of the grief is also fear.
There is a book called Tear Soup also about loss. Maybe you could look it up in a library...it's geared toward kids but I loved it so much when my husband died. It's for any loss (death of life as you know it). Not a handbook, just a book to cry with. I have no idea if you would like it. I'm just letting you know it's there. I'm still praying for you.
Jill
On a lighter note, thanks for introducing me to "Neverary 32nd"! Love it!
o noticed your absence from "the book". yes, great to back on tea and honey bread.
(((HUG)))
It is so good to hear from you! I left Facebook awhile ago. It has run it's course (I get bored easily!) Sending you love, light, and a whole lotta healing!
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