Hello... Din of voices. Hello...Hello Mommy? It's Jordan who has gone to a local venue to audition for their New year's Eve event. "Hey, how'd it go"? Most admirably restraining the desire to squeal-a mother knows these things, he says, "They liked me." Mom-always needing further clarification says, "Oh good, so you made it". To which he says, "Yes they liked me!" We exchanged a few more words then I hung up and told Joe the news. Yael Rose (yes, the same one who didn't hear the phone) enters and says, "Cool, Jordan made it!"
I go back to my spot and the playback begins, "Mom, they liked me..." It echoes through my thoughts in an almost surreal manner. For a moment, I'm frozen. I need to organize these thoughts, I need to make sense of what I'm feeling. Part of me feels like I need to have a grade school-like talk about self-acceptance and self esteem. But, I know better. In my heart, I know that Jordan is confident and self loving, I know that Jordan is a well-rounded young adult. In my [he]art though, I also know what he just said, what he is feeling is indeed genuine; completely honest. He does feel an overwhelming sense of acceptance at this moment, greater than even a mother's love. It's what we've been unknowingly preparing him for all along. Jordan is an artist; the Self and the craft are one. Pauses in ambivalence. Somehow, I suspect this realization weighs more heavily on me than him.