Oh humans why do you trouble me so? Here is my latest people suck adventure, I have a friend who pretty much calls me daily for everything ranging from minor annoyances (mail in the wrong box) to major dilemmas (dating married men). Those of you who follow Tea & Honey Bread know I am neither afraid nor ashamed to speak my mind. Tea & Honey Bread is almost 2 years old and we have been friends for more than 20 years; clearly, she knows when a verbal walloping is imminent. Or so you'd think.
Yesterday she calls me with the most preposterous child rearing issue. There is no choice in the matter; decision A will take some hard work and dedication, but decision B should (but probably will not because the system sucks) result in some hard time in the pen! She goes on with her jeremiad, blah, blah, blah, and then she says, are you ready for this? She says- at the end of her wrong as two left feet speech, this fool says, "right?" Right? Right?! Are you crazy?! No, I didn't ask if she was crazy because years of marriage counseling and other random bouts of therapeutic haranguing have taught me to choose my words carefully and avoid hyperbolic speech in heated matters. Instead, I say, "Not right." Followed by a bevy of open-ended questions designed to guide her towards her own recognizance without pointing it out accusatorily. Her response, "I have food on the stove and it's boiling over." Dial tone. Let's just say my deaf Siamese Blu got an earful behind that; the dial tone for Tameka is tantamount to the corner for Baby Houseman, a no go!
I called her today and she didn't answer. Each time my home phone rang I lunged forward like a mongoose in waiting of serpentine delights. Still, nothing. I'm thinking this-coupled with last month's disagreement on why it is wrong to sleep with other people's husbands even if you don't think they will find you and kick your whole asshole out, has not only boiled her pot, but cooked her goose; friendship reevaluation is in progress, again. Sigh.
Please tell me something nice about your friends or friendships lest I go mad.