Tuesday, March 10, 2009

A watched pot doesn't boil...

but, a pissed off one does! (Image Credits)


Oh humans why do you trouble me so? Here is my latest people suck adventure, I have a friend who pretty much calls me daily for everything ranging from minor annoyances (mail in the wrong box) to major dilemmas (dating married men). Those of you who follow Tea & Honey Bread know I am neither afraid nor ashamed to speak my mind. Tea & Honey Bread is almost 2 years old and we have been friends for more than 20 years; clearly, she knows when a verbal walloping is imminent. Or so you'd think.

Yesterday she calls me with the most preposterous child rearing issue. There is no choice in the matter; decision A will take some hard work and dedication, but decision B should (but probably will not because the system sucks) result in some hard time in the pen! She goes on with her jeremiad, blah, blah, blah, and then she says, are you ready for this? She says- at the end of her wrong as two left feet speech, this fool says, "right?" Right? Right?! Are you crazy?! No, I didn't ask if she was crazy because years of marriage counseling and other random bouts of
therapeutic haranguing have taught me to choose my words carefully and avoid hyperbolic speech in heated matters. Instead, I say, "Not right." Followed by a bevy of open-ended questions designed to guide her towards her own recognizance without pointing it out accusatorily. Her response, "I have food on the stove and it's boiling over." Dial tone. Let's just say my deaf Siamese Blu got an earful behind that; the dial tone for Tameka is tantamount to the corner for Baby Houseman, a no go!

I called her today and she didn't answer. Each time my home phone rang I lunged forward like a mongoose in waiting of serpentine delights. Still, nothing. I'm thinking this-coupled with last month's disagreement on why it is wrong to sleep with other people's husbands even if you don't think they will find you and kick your whole asshole out, has not only boiled her pot, but cooked her goose; friendship reevaluation is in progress, again. Sigh.

Please tell me something nice about your friends or friendships lest I go mad.
Peace, please...

20 comments:

Ms. Bar B: said...

Hahahaha @ "I'm thinking this-coupled with last month's disagreement on why it is wrong to sleep with other people's husbands even if you don't think they will find you and kick your whole asshole out"

Man o man, boy o boy! What is it with chicks, read friends, who just can't see the light?

I've come to realize that my nicest current friendships are with those that I have something in common with. My Cal mommy friends are such a blessing and my bloggy friends are an equal blessing.

Isn't it funny how those closest to us, those who probably know more about us at any given moment than we know about ourselves, are those who turn out to ultimately be the sour grapes?

Shannon said...

Sounds "interesting" to say the least! :) I have had some really good friends, who remain really good friends and some not so good friends, who well, are no longer in my life! :)

fly tie said...

oh goodness.

(or perhaps 'oh badness" is more appropriate.)

more support for the notion that people just wanna hear what they wanna hear and want you to side with them no matter how insane their theories are.

hmmm...as far as my own friendships, they're pretty cool at the moment. although i recently had a quarrel with one (so-called friend) that makes my blood boil just thinking about it. my first real falling out with a friend ever in my life, actually. i'm just intolerable of the b.s. at this point.

Kala Pohl Studio said...

Oh, I loved this one:) Yep, friendships, like family are interesting, aren't they? I read a book called "The Instruction" that helped me understand people a little better. If you believe in reincarnation, it all comes down to the age of our souls. We all have been here before. Some of our souls are thousands of years old, while others are newborns with no sense of awareness, conscience or guilt. So, think of your friend's soul being 2 years old and yours is 1000 years old:):) She needs to be reborn many, many times before she gets it:)LOL

Cecile/DreamCreateRepeat said...

This whole friendship-loyalty-when-to-hang-it-up thing is so tough! I'm happy to say I've got two great friendships: always easy, supportive, fun, thoughtful, enriching without any hair-pulling.

The rest....ummmm, well...

I count my blessings every day on the two terrific friendships!

Mama Shujaa said...

Kudos to you for working at friendship. People make the world go 'round.

shiborigirl said...

Not knowing the whole 20 year story of this friendship, I can't possibly understand the dynamics here. BUT, it sounds like she's using you to justify the decisions she's making, even though she knows they are morally shaky.

Kudos to you for not asking if she's crazy - see? Therapy works. Maybe she could use some?

For 40 years, I let people have their (emotional) way with me, due to need and abandonment issues I've dealt with in my own therapy sessions. Through a lot of hard work, I've found a core group of women for whom I'd walk through fire, and (I think and hope) they'd do the same for me.

Good luck with this one...

Kate

casserole said...

Well... at least she wasn't calling you seeking your approval for sleeping with her cousin. I got one of those phone calls one time. (Granted, it was her second cousin, but still...)

As my dear friend Scarlett often says, "I think it might be time to weed your garden." The older I get and the more I am surrounded by strong, SANE women who will question me, correct me, support me, cheer me on, the less patience I have for one-sided or dishonest friendships. (Dishonest meaning someone who asks for your input when they're really wanting approval.) So... are you getting enough support, love, questioning from this friendship to counterbalance the negatives?

Mequet said...

As you know, I have no long-term female "friends" that aren't family members. While some of said family members are annoying as all get out sometimes, they usually don't come at me with downright ignorant type stuff like what you're talking about. I have no advice except that while you're reevaluating, make sure you do it with a REAL jaundiced eye. Call me or something! I'll listen:)

Lisa B. said...

The really good relationships survive the truth...and you'll survive the ones that don't.

I love what casserole said
"As my dear friend Scarlett often says, "I think it might be time to weed your garden.""

Kwana said...

I'm sorry. I wish I could say something nice but um, not today. Most days somebody is on my nerves and please don;t give me the dial tone. UGH! Hang in there.

Kelly said...

I think sometimes people just want us to listen and agree because they know deep in their hearts they are wrong, but if we agree then it gives them licence to do the stupid thing anyway and they can blame us later when it blows up.

I also think you and I are a lot alike. I know you're new to reading my blog and might not think so, but we are. I would have been very frank with her also and said "Not right." She will cool off and call you again the next time she is seeking permission for something fool hardy! Some friends are just high maintenance. Maybe some of us need people to maintain occassionally too. I hope you guys work it out!

nicaeli said...

Sounds frustrating! and it sounds like a familiar situation for me. With the last one, I "lost contact" after many very dramatic and stressful episodes involving hair pulling and screaming.(me pulling my own hair and screaming while banging my head against the wall in frustration.)

I am not a very social person, I spend a lot of time by myself and like it like that. Mostly because I got sick of dealing with friendship "issues."

I do have a small group of wonderful friends and now after all that past drama, realize how much I appreciate them.

Execumama said...

Well, er, um...the thing about friendship is...um, I mean just weigh the positives....

Oh hell, I can't. Enough of that foolishness. It's already a way too needy situation if you're getting calls about various elements in her life, minor and major. Unless that's just the nature of your and her relationship, then that's bugged out already. Then there's the moral issue. I've heard the whole judge not lest..blah blah snore thing, but if you have a moral issue with sleeping with other people's hubsters, why entertain the conversation (repeatedly!) with anyone? Perhaps you can ask about switching gears in your relationship by way of her refraining from getting too deep in her business with you?? I dunno, just sounds like a whole lotta work and that ain't your child!

I'm sorry if that's harsh/rude/weird/insensitive, but those are my two cents.

MBB Founder and Editor Denene Millner said...

Well. Damn.

Yeah, long friendship or no, you really need to move on for your OWN sanity. She sounds like WAY too much work for grown folk.

I'm expert at this, by the way--can move on with a quickness. But the friends who got a little act right in them? Oh, we're friends for life.

Jewelry Rockstar said...

In your affirmations write: I am surrounded by great friends and people. She'll go completely away if she's not supposed to be there, 20 years or not!

Yvonne said...

Girl, toxic people will wear you out. I can't hang with folks like that because I refuse to bite my tongue. She knows she is doing wrong and just wants someone to okay her f'd up actions. Its time to review the friendship.

Amy Bradstreet said...

I'm forever tormented by friendships that last or don't. I wouldn't be able to keep going with this one, though--I'd be driven up and over the wall with her phone calls.

Friendship is hard. I still haven't figured out how to make it work all the time.

High Desert Diva said...

Catching up on your posts.....oh what I miss while I'm away!

Meka said...

One of my best friends and I have been friends for just over 10 years. We love each other to death. We seldom argue, are both a little too blunt, and we share mutual honesty. Last year we went on a week-long vacation, a cruise to the Bahamas. Oh, yes, it was quite spiffy.

But, after being stuck with someone, the same someone, by your side for a week, everything is no longer love and flowers. We were at each other's throats. I swear we could have slapped each other.

We went home cordially, on separate planes, to different states. It took a few WEEKS before things felt "back to normal" between us.

That's the beauty of real friendships. At some point, if you are really being yourselves with one another, there's gonna be a breakdown. But you'll always get back to normal... because neither of you would be the same if the other wasn't in your life.

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