Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
I've developed a particularly deep admiration for Talib Kweli: Black man; seeker, speaker of wisdom, truth, knowledge. Listen up.
TALIB KWELI-Going Hard
I got a part to play, we going hard these days
Fuck the harder way, we doing it the harder way
To my god I pray, that's how I start my day
The bullets starts to spray the revolution starts today
I say the shit these people ain't got the heart to say
Fuck the harder way, we doing it the smarter way
To my god I pray, that's how I start my day
The bullets starts to spray the revolution starts today
You say you never scared there's kids in other countries
Making jerseys, jeans, and sneakers they could never wear
Parents never there, they're busy building homes they can't afford to buy
Cars they can't afford to drive
Working jobs that don't support their life
You busy screaming gangsta, gangsta all that talk is trife
You already know lost the fight if you don't know the cost of life
These kids is forced to fight a war they can't outrun
Ain't got no shoes but got a gun
Now where the fuck he pulled that out from?
People ask me how we wearing diamonds
When there's little kids in Sierra Leone
Losing arms for crying while they mining
Probably an orphan who's momma died of AIDS
He built a coffin working often but he never paid
Forever slaving in the world that's forever cold
Becoming the man of the house at 11 years old
This reality rap, I get inside the mentality that...
Terrorize you like a cowardly act
I was sold to a sick European by a rich African battlin'
Middle Passages, I can't go back again
Battlin' years of denied history, lies and mysteries
Wives with misty eyes watchin' their husbands be beaten viciously
Battle in the wilderness of North America
Run by the river, only stoppin' to pray chased by predators
Terrorists with etiquette who vote and kill their president
Their capacity for evil so evident and prevalent
Ain't no hesitation involved, a nation dissolved
While we sit back waitin' to evolve
Those who would trade in their freedom
For their protection deserve neither
Not a name, not tradition
Religion, you learn Jesus
Turn the other cheek
Inherit the Earth, just stay meek
Fuck the way you speak
Try to run, we chop off your feet
Fast forward to 2004 we selling
Yo this ain't what I'm settling for
I want more, yo
Saturday, May 24, 2008
This discovery prompted a lengthy discussion about bees and their importance. It also shed some light on fear and the human condition. It was interesting how easily I could change Yael's negative perspective about bees simply by mentioning their importnace, their purpose and how stinging is a defense and not an offense.
I'm thoroughly grateful, as I jokingly said the other day (Keeping in mind that most serious matters are introduced in jest.), "Honey, my business is going under." I was considering closing shop for a bit to regroup and rebuild. I'm far from a quitter, but I've been in the world of start-up and keep-up long enough to know when it's time to re-up. The best part of being a grown up versus pretending, is the grey hair...Ha! I caught you paying attention! Truth, the best part is shedding that ego-maniacal exoskeleton that deems each endeavor an entitled win and toughening the true exterior that shields each failed attempt with the virility to subsist and the wisdom to succeed. (I made that up)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
But, this love thing-I don't get it. You can invest your all and still come up overdrawn and under appreciated. You can read every self-help communication; Dr. Love, Mother Phil, L'il Oprah Annie (Landers) and Colonel Sanders to no avail! No matter how hard or smart you work at it, there's just no predicting the mine field of emotions which await. What the hell?
So today I'm ranting- I know you can't believe it right? I kid you not, I'm going on about a friend who sucks (I totally want to hyperlink a picture of her right here!) and, in a moment of clarity (Most of my rants are profound and worthy of copyright and publishing) I write:
"my number doesn't change because the sun is out. i have to keep reminding myself as much as i like to help, that i don't 'charge' for my friendship, great ear and advice. free things are never appreciated in the same way you appreciate the stuff you have to work hard for/at. (that advice is free for you) anyway, i gotta go teach, but make sure you let someone know today that their presence in your life at whatever capacity is appreciated and worth a great deal...even if it is the toll clerk or someone that holds a door."
I immediately thought, "How true"! If you've ever been heart-broken, lonely or just in need of a friend, you know the insurmountable value of love. You know how beyond your reach and "budget" lost love feels, and yet we fail to save for those rainy days.
Thursdays' thought: If loving is a choice and, being loved is a privilege-where does entitlement come into play?
For all of the things I've figured out in my years, this is still a mind-boggle. What are your thoughts on this topic or anything else today-weigh in. Peace...and of course love. Winks.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Yael is in a weird phase, she's trying on personalities like outfits which for someone like me, who doesn't deal well with new people is a fate worse than itching! (I prefer death to itching and/or nausea.) I'm just not sure anymore from day to day which annoying Disney Channel character awaits.
Yesterday she giggled incessantly until I threw her out of my room and she told favorite guy that, "I burst her bubble". I have never used this phrase, ever. Because he is the best thing since Tandoori garlic naan, favorite guy gathered the hyena and her hormonally challenged sibling and off to the movies they went allowing me to wallow in my own misery-okay scratch that. Their departure allowed me to gossip while creating two new jewelry designs, map out the details of my Buzzy Bee project and eat my roasted lightly salted almonds in peace and plain sight.
Today, in retribution for bursting her bubble, she asks in a seemingly Yael-like inquisitive tone, "Hey Mom, do you know what I just realized"? I turn to her and say. "No, Shoob, what?" She replies, "When you put your right leg forward, your right butt goes like this"...She then does a grossly exaggerated hip shimmy to the right. Not noticing that I've lost my loving gaze, she continues. "And, when you put your left leg forward your left butt goes like this". Yes, and she does it again. Now, I am fairly thick-skinned and, no that is not an excuse for the illusion of having two butts, but today on another exceptionally hot Arizona day with my Pitta Dosha quite unbalanced I could only muster up enough energy to request that she remain in her room for the duration of, "this stage of development". I'm known for coming up with cruel and unusual punishments, but even I was unprepared for this.
Truth be told, I'd like very much this week to do nothing but make stuff in my pajamas-even hygiene is questionable; I'm just beat. Buzzy Bee has been stripped and sanded and the mixed media shadowbox from hell is actually beginning to look like the project of my mind's eye. And, it's birthday party planning time, so of course I'm bound by the pressure; "Can I outdo myself again this year?"
Y'know, the toughest part of this journey has to be the fact that parenting happens on the express track with very few stops along the route, well that and, it's over before you know it. If Etsy's Antinatalist street team happens to be reading, please note again-I am not miserable, this is just one of the less joyous phases of the side-splitting comedy that is child rearing.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
I am the quasi-eccentric. My whole existence is a hodgepodge of ideologies many of which conflict with general populous. I think as I age it just gets more complex. The diminished need for acceptance has brought upon a plethora of interesting opportunities for growth and self exploration. As much as I enjoy the awareness of my metamorphosis, like others I too feel the burn of growing pains and separation. Almost subconsciously I have been purchasing vintage toys, as if trying to preserve parts of a life I once knew. Even more interesting that I opted for things and, not reaching out to friends and relatives that knew me when.
I'm in an interesting place on my path these days, with my children getting older and becoming more autonomous I suddenly have a lot more "Tea-time", time to just take it all in. I'm realizing more and more-as I've learned to truly taste this life and savor it, the flavors of people and places and things that I find over bearing and/or unnecessary. Much like food, I find company- when rich and flavorful can be satisfying in much smaller amounts, and better for your overall health! Laughs.
This all comes at a time when theologians are worried about 2012, ecologists are worried about global warming, economists are stockpiling fuel and food and, politicians are once again speaking of change. Change isn't something that just happens. It isn't this jolt that we've come to make it out to be. Instead, it is a slow process-like digestion. It's elusively taking place before the meal is placed before you and long after you've tipped your server and went on your way-and, not just on your hips. If it all came to a halt tomorrow, I can honestly say that I've tasted this life. Would I like to ginger the palate and try a few more flavors? I wouldn't mind-but I'm certainly not going to be greedy.
In other news, I'm almost done with my mixed media collage which has been a creative obstacles laden journey. I think it was a forced project-it definitely screams of hemispheric unrest...you'll see. Winks. But my next challenge I'm looking forward to. I'll be upgrading The Buzzy Bee (pictured above right). I actually owned this same toy (not this one, in particular) as a child and since bees, and honey are still symbolically a big part of who I am, I've decided to rework this baby to more closely match the changes I've made in the years since I played with her. I'll start with an outdoor photo shoot and slowly begin her rebirthing. If I'm not captured and institutionalized photographing a pull toy in the green belt tomorrow, I'll post pics. Laughs.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Ha! I bet you came in all psyched to see me drop it like it's hot, yes? Nope...it is kinda hot-but I meant the other booty. Favorite guy has done it again! Not only does my darling put up with the daily rigors of my insanity, but he does it with grace and love. He's a treasure! Look at all of my goodies, what more could a girl ask for?
It's been an amazing journey; this parenting thing, never a dull moment, seldom a day's rest and yet there is nothing I'd rather spend my life being. I've been a bit disheartened of late, lots of antinatalism talk going on in the world. I'm just not sure how I feel about the concept. For one, the decision or not, to become a parent is based on a number of factors; biological and psychological. Ecological? Not so much.
In my naive albeit ideological youth, I never intended to have children, but the universe had a whole other plan in store. When I became pregnant with my first child, I stumbled upon the realization that I'd confused having children with becoming a parent. I would sooner itch (my personal damnation) forever than be pregnant again, but I would jump, leap, soar at the prospect of parenting. It isn't a choice but, an internal beckoning.
Yes, there are too many people on the planet- agreed. There are also too many cars, electronic devices, homes, packaged foods and more. I'm all about making a difference, after all I'd like to leave a smidgen of planet for the two people I've created. I just don't know that robbing others of the gift of parenting and even procreation is the route I'd take. Call me silly, ignorant even (as I've previously heard it coined) but I fail to believe we; man as a collective have any real control over the universe and her destiny.
Look at our track record, don't use paper, use plastic. Don't use plastic, use fabric. Buy PVC, save a cow. Don't buy PVC the machinery emits pollutants, instead buy recycled leather. Okay, so when everyone else joins the "Save a Cow" campaign...just where do you propose I obtain this 'recycled' leather? Meh.
We are vegetarian, we conserve energy, we recycle, we're fixed, our pets are rescues and they're fixed too, we shop local when financially feasible. There really isn't much more we can do, but live. Sometimes I wonder in my own warped way if the universe is saying. "Okay smart-ass, you figured that out, now how about this?" It's as if she's given us just enough rope to hang ourselves.
Surely, had man not ruined land to build homes, built pollution laden vehicles to travel, industry to pay for it and, government to control it all, there might just be enough trees and bees for us all, yes? And yet our hypothetical fix is not to go without man-made luxuries, but to go without man. I guess I am ignorant because I just don't see this plan working, not even a little bit. Contrary to modern popular belief the hankering to espouse and reproduce derives naturally, and with far more intensity than the need for a SUV. By nature man is designed to reproduce, to form tribes and build communities.
So, once we've threatened humanity in an antinatalist effort to "recycle", and "utilize current resources", how do you propose we reach the future? How can you be so certain this life is it? Perhaps it is all some divine plan to wipe the globe of its current inhabitants for a greater purpose. It is possible? Remember the dinosaurs? You can err on the side of caution or, you can accept the consequences of our actions; chalk it up as a learning experience, history even. I'd like to think there's something bigger, better and much less destructive in the cards, surely Mother Earth can do better than the "Carbon based Destructos" of today.
Yes, change is needed; we must learn accept the things we cannot change. Change a light bulb, buy a hybrid, plant a tree, worry about the here and now. Who are we to design the future when we've already botched the present. Truly, there are some things left in this world even we have no control over, be thankful.
The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance. ~ Nathaniel Branden
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Country Fried Tofu
1 pkg Extra firm tofu
Whole wheat Flour
Seasoning Salt (No MSG)
Vegetable oil for frying
Cayenne pepper sauce
Bleu Cheese/Bleu Cheese Substitute
Drain and freeze, thaw, drain again and marinate. This is key or you will surely end up with the most bizarre-and, not in a good way textured stuff you can imagine.
Slice, cube, julienne-whichever you prefer your tofu
In a bag, mix your breading... 2:1 parts flour to corn meal add your seasoning salt (I used .5 tsp) to the mix and some fresh black pepper
Shake pieces to coat
Heat .5" vegetable oil in small frying pan
Mix your Cayenne sauce with butter/margarine/substitute 1 : 2/3 is your ratio, respectively
I nuked it for 1:30 or just until the butter/margarine/substitute is fully melted
Stir and add to ramekin. You can get out your celery carrots and Bleu cheese/substitute now.
Add your tofu to the heated oil
While tofu is frying, prepare some paper towels or a cheese cloth to drain excess oil.
Brown on both sides, remove from heat, place on cheese cloth/paper towel and sprinkle with Chef's essence while still fresh out of the oil. Say, "Bam!" seriously, it'll make it taste better.
Note: Tofu will toughen upon cooling...do not expect the "meaty" texture at once upon removing it from the oil, once the breading is golden brown, remove. DO NOT overcook...bad business.
Friday, May 9, 2008
For years, every year around this time; Mother's Day when the masses are bumbling about, siblings trying, vying to outdo one another-I'm drowning in indifference. She puts herself first, she's betrayed me, she's disappointed me...she's, she's well...she's human. Yes, she's a mere mortal with a triune brain and a host of flaws.
The thing about being a parent, a mother is like celebrity; you're expected to don the obligatory cloak of perfection, the crown of sound judgement, and shoes designed to walk the righteous path-be red carpet ready. Much like most parents, you and your offspring have a very dissimilar sense of what is fashionable and entertaining. This is where it gets ugly! Laughs.
My mother often chides about the time she scolded, okay lambasted me for something and I looked her in the eye and said, "Don't yell at me, kids are people too". Huh? Or, the time she wouldn't give in to a request and I called her "Obstinate"; I was about six. Oddly enough, knowing much more about the human condition now, I can begin to understand my mother and her antiquated train of thought. I see how she might have found me challenging.
Years passed, not much changed, and she eventually gave up. You know, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got". So, she continued (s) (I now have siblings)-to yell and scream, holler and harangue and I have in my travails developed more than enough ways to duck, desist and detach.
It is Mother's Day yet another year and as much as you'd think I'd be over it/her, I guess I'm not. I have two children of my own now, and as challenging as times get-and they do get challenging, the one thing I know for certain is that there are no do-overs, the only time is now. I've got one chance at this and, thank Bob! Could you just imagine if I had to get them back in there again?! Yikes! Well, I'm coiffed and 'coutured', my ankles are a bit wobbly, but I'm making my way. How about you, are you red carpet ready?
Facing a mirror you see merely your own countenance; facing your child you finally understand how everyone else has seen you~Daniel Raeburn
Thursday, May 8, 2008
The voices in my head keep screaming papier mache, bright colors, glitter, sparkle, fun. I even took these things out of my supplies stash but the motivation is nil. I find it interesting when I'm thinking bright and feeling dull. It's one of those amazing tips the universe gives when your chakras need feeding; balance beckons.
Speaking of feeding (I love when my yammerings acquiesce) aah, the art of the subtle segue. I'm trying a new recipe; Buffalo tofu! I'm singing Buffalo Tofu in my head right now to the tune of Buffalo Soldier, I wish Joe was here-he's great at filling in the rest of the lyrics. So far, I have my tofu cut, drained and in the freezer for texture. Tomorrow I will put it all together and hope for a delicious outcome. Pictures to follow. Unless something disastrous happens and I flip out and throw it all away. Yes, that has been known to happen. Think the spirit of Gordon Ramsay in a short black woman cooking vegetables.
Well, it got me to thinking...who is this omnipotent trendsetter who makes para holidays happen, and how do I get one? I don't want to be a high roller like Santa or the Easter bunny, but for Pete's sake, groundhogs have a day. And look at that, Pete has his own old people's expression.
So yes folks, while I am ever grateful to have Mother's day to share among the masses of other stretch marked, saggy boobed, snot and other bodily fluid covered deities-it just wouldn't be me if I didn't request my own day. For the smarty pants who thinks they have the short and sweet of it; I know I have a birthday. That's the day I put my mother on the Mother's Day celebration map-it is not my day. I want to be on Google headers and dollar store calendars. Yes, I want your children to cut out little brown Tameka figures and add Birkenstock sandals and clothes that don't necessarily match.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
This isn't my random thought for Thursday, but you gotta admit it is fairly befitting. Oy vey.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Subtle segue...I am on Etsy fora timeout for pointing out malicious intent in a thread. For what it's worth, the temporary muting is fair practice per Etsy standards. On a personal note, it's like, "Whatever". Yes, I did say, "It [was] starting to smell like cat shit", in reference to the overall tone of a thread and all of the estrogen induced mania. I just feel on the general scale of fora posting madness, my comment; a mere pimple on the ass of life-is surely not mute-worthy. But, as the NEW! adage goes, "When one thread closes another opens". I'm now going to use all of my power for the greater good and keep my wit, wisdom and abrasion right here, LIVE! and Uncensored at the Hive. I can't in good conscience spend nearly as much time in the fora as I have previously, as a rule I avoid casual socialization and, as it appears virtual communications are pretty much the same. I doubt I'll ever play nice with others, so I create, alone.
And last, but certainly most important, Project 40! I'm excited and ambivalent about this. One of the most arduous tasks for me is shut down/up. Lots of mental restarts going on here, but no genuine log off, shut down and just be. I'm consistently trying to complete my mental to-do list or adding shit to the actual to-do list. (Sings) "These are the thoughts that never end, they just go on and on my friends, 'cause when I get to thinking-well, just thinking ain't enough then I will add more shit to my agenda just because..." repeat until you crack. The folks at Yoga For Everybody have challenged me-(Yes, every e-mail short of genitals enlargement spam is perceived an authentic challenge) to a daily heart health meditation for 40 whole days. Those ancient spiritualists were really a force with whom to be reckoned; I generally lose interest in commitment to anything/one in a week or so. So for the next 40 days I will devote 15 preciously neurotic minutes to total relaxation. *Faints*
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Male: I don't know, whatever.
Female: What do you mean whatever, tell me something.
Male: With raised voice-"Whatever! Whatever! Why you gotta make such a big deal just make something! Damn..."
Female: Rubs hands together like an evil fly and makes the one meal you know damn well he doesn't like.
Male: Ah c'mon you made ________!(Insert quick easy not too dandy tasting meal here) Stomps around house in disgust.
Female: You know what pendejo/asshole, I fuckin' asked you what you wanted and you said whatever so that's what you get and if you don't like it comer mierda/eat an ass.
Male: What's your problem?
The steps to the dance are: neutral, passive, aggressive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, aggressive/perpetual victim, aggressive/guilt-ridden, passive, passive, jazz hands, repeat.
Male: I don't know, whatever.
Female: Why whatever? I need an idea so I can get it started/ordered.
Female: (Calm but firm) I cannot continue this discussion unless you lower your voice.
Female: This discussion is over until you are able to speak to me respectfully. Hang up/Walk out.